Saturday, December 22, 2012

One Billion!

Well as of this post, PSY's "Gangnam Style" peaked one billion views plus as of the end of the world yesterday. I just saw it for the first time a minute ago when Chelle was on her laptop and me on mine. We were playing Skyrim but before I started the game, she told me of this viral video that reached one billion something.

Me: That's insane! One billion really?
Chelle: Yeah, its crazy right?

And we both laughed til I saw it and I laughed even harder! That guy...he was singing while he's in the john.


Monday, December 17, 2012

State of the World

Currently listening to Janet Jackson's, "State of the World" on youtube.

Listening, not watching. Its playing in the background. Got home a few minutes ago from talking to this guy I just met. He is actually a customer I waited on earlier in the evening. He said he wanted to talk to me afterwards, and then he waited in the parking lot after work.

I didn't think he would return but he did. His name is Connor, about 6'2, slender build, nice eyes with brown hair. He seems amiable and interested in being friends. I told him I'm not wanting to be in a relationship right now, and he's cool with that. He wants to hang out though. Same thing.

I could give it a try, but I can't be distracted too much because finishing school is top priority even though its about eight semesters away and a lot can happen in that time. Connor asked when my next day off would be and that if I wanted, we could go see a movie together. He said he's only here for a month because his job as an oilfield rep/salesman takes him on the road much.

THAT is why we can't be together. And that is why I don't want a relationship with a traveling salesman.

My mind is clouded with the state of the world at the moment. That shooting in Connecticut and all those little kids...

I've thought about having kids when I graduate from college.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Street Legal Again!

Hell yeah! I got my license back! After three months of driving around paranoid, I went into the tag agency and got a duplicate license.

Took me three months to get enough money to pay for a ticket that I got in 2010, and then the long waiting on the phone for the Arizona DMV to tell me that my record is cleared, paying them a reinstatement of which the clerk told me to wait another three days for it to update in the database.

Ppfft. I couldn't wait three freaking days so I went in a tag agency on the Expressway and applied for it. The clerk started typing away so I knew I might have one in my grubby hands soon. She then told me to take off my glasses and look at the blue dot. "What blue d--" BAM! She took my picture and all I could see was NOTHING cuz of the flash.

I filled out some paperwork and when we walked out of the tag agency, the first thing I said to Jeni, was "HELL TO THE FUCKING YEAH!!"

Monday, December 10, 2012

Le Back, it le hurts

I don't know what I did to my back but its sore and hurts. The top of my shoulders too.

I've been lethargic and mostly tired these days. Working two jobs and going to school is sapping my strength to do anything. At one point while I sat outside waiting for Chelle to pick me up on campus, I pondered life at the moment. I thought about all my past romances, and the most recent one with Annie. I miss her sometimes. Chelle asked earlier if I was still with her and my mind was a million miles away.

"I take it that it didn't go very well with you two."
"No, its not that. I was just thinking about what I want in a relationship."
"Don't worry about it, girl. You got more time than you know what to do with."

Its peculiar she said that. More time than I know what to do with. I'll have to analyze this a little more. But for now, I've got to do something about my sore back. I think I'll set up an appointment to get a massage.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

My Resume

I was updating my resume last night and I was thinking I have the crappiest work history, having two dozen jobs within this year alone. Unless, I think of the different people I've picked up day jobs from ads on craigslist as ONE employer, then no. And that cuts it down to four actual jobs I've had all together.

Its easy money for me to pick up day jobs on craigslist. When I find a job that seems suitable, I answer the ad. Then I send an email to the address listed inquiring about the job. Then if it sounds legit, then I google the address and if its in a bad neighborhood, I reply and turn it down. But if its in a decent area, I search even more about the area of town I'm going to be driving, driving directions, landmarks, grocery stores, major intersections. And then I contact the person.

After we exchange phone numbers, I try to pay attention to their tone of voice, background noise, whether there's nervousness in the way they sound, stuff like that. Sometimes I call Mindy or Chelle since they've been living here longer than me and I ask them about the neighborhood or part of town the job is in.

I was thinking of buying a taser because I don't trust the can of mace on my key chain. Or invest in a machete. Who knows, I might need it for protection or something. I do remember...wait, YES! There's a machete in the attic. I was nosing around up there one day when I first moved in, and there was this big heavy one up in the corner by the the attic window, just propped against the wall.

Scratch buying one. I just need a knife sharpener.

I'll ask Chelle or Mindy if they want to go shopping in Phoenix on Monday, my one day off. :)

Friday, November 30, 2012

My Feet Hurt!

Yes, my feet hurt like a throbbing pain on the bottom of my heels!

I think maybe its due to me being on them ALL THE TIME. Or maybe its just my brain in overdrive making me think that. Whatever. Work at the group home is stressful now that there's a patient who seems to get into trouble with the other residents. Blah blah blah. And working at the restaurant, seems I can never sit down for more than ten minutes to enjoy a nice cold Coke.

The other waitresses say I need to get a life and that I need to "socialize and go out". At this point in life, I'm just working for the Money God so he can give me what I want. And that...I haven't quite figured out yet! But no, I broke it off with Annie, rather, it was mutual. She has to take care of her mother and I have school and work.

But my feet hurt! I wear my Sketchers to both work places but they still ache whenever I come home around midnight. Granted, I work three nights a week at the restaurant and four days at the group home. Well, the group home isn't so bad. And I love working with the day staff; the night shift are an asinine bunch, but I guess they have to be.

I think I might schedule myself for a massage a spa treatment next week. Sounds like a plan!

Friday, November 23, 2012

I hate feeling insecure

Relations with Annie is getting tense. She has to move back with her Mom who lives further away from her Dad making it annoying for me to drive in town, bring her to my place, and drive her back. What's worse, she doesn't have a steady job to offer to help pay for gas money. The Jeep is a gas hog. I'm a bit tight on money even though I have two jobs AND going to school.

I'm beginning to think I'm shallow and using her for some ulterior motive. Sex is good, don't get me wrong, but at this point, I'm not really sure its a relationship I want or just enjoy being single. The fact that I live out of town and most of my friends don't come around much because of the distance, its beginning to wear on me.

I'm not sure about a lot of things as of late, including missing my parents back in Florida. I spent Thanksgiving at work but they gave us free food and didn't take it out of our checks. I do, however, like working at the little restaurant as the owners are really nice to me. "You're a great waitress, Shannon", remarked the owner's wife.

That comment, at least, brightened up my day despite feeling lonely yesterday. I haven't seen or text nor called Annie in three days. I'm beginning to wonder if she notices I'm being distant or she has other things going on. She knows that sometimes I don't get signals to call or text her and that I'd have to drive into town to do anything.

I'm feeling insecure at the moment. Time to get ready for work at the group home. 

Monday, November 19, 2012

This made me laugh for a minute and wonder in awe at some people's driving. At 4:05, WOW! Wind shear probably.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Anything For A Buck

I couldn't think of an appropriate title for anything as I haven't blogged on here in A WHILE.

I'm really not looking forward to Black Friday and the ungodly amounts of people going to Walmart creating asses of themselves just to get a cheap sale. But then again, its the franchise's and other businesses who are to blame for spurning on the mass consumerism. Anything for a buck.

Don't get me wrong, I like  my job as I'm lucky to at least have a job, but I become more disillusioned with THINGS a little every day, further stifling my need to have more THINGS. In the end, when I die, I won't be able to take them with me. Just whatever I have, if that at all.

I looked on my schedule and I'm supposed to work a twelve hour shift on Thursday and I've heard assistant managers say of having different "blitz item" sales at midnight, 0200 and 0500. I've never been awake long enough to participate in a Black Friday event and reluctantly, I'm going to experience it this week. Yahoo.

Friday, November 16, 2012

I Made Pizza

I saw the recipe off pinterest and decided to make a pineapple with pepperoni pizza. I had it in the oven not just 15 minutes ago, but I got an urgent call from Cynthia saying her hubby was in a car wreck. I asked all about the details but she said they were in London and something happened. She said she'll call me later when she gets to the hospital.

When I came back into the kitchen, my pizza was burnt. My creation. I'll just have to settle for a microwaved tv dinner before heading off to work. The drama kids, one of them quit. I'm glad. The girl missed too many days and the owners let her go. I would too if I were the boss.

NO DRAMA IN MY RESTAURANT! LEAVE YOUR PROBLEMS AT HOME! That would be one of my rules if I were to ever own a business, most likely a restaurant.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

A Perfect Morning

Living alone in the middle of nowhere desert is almost a luxury that most people want. Me, I'm doing it because I'm house-sitting for friends. Its a nice place with nothing spectacular to it, almost looks like a rental house a vacationer would see online, but everything about it is ordinary. Cozy, is what I'd call it. A two bedroom upstairs with a bathroom in the master and one in the hall with a tub, no shower.

If I want a shower, I'd have to go downstairs. Whenever I come home from work, a hot bath is usually all I need to go to straight to bed. Maybe a warm body if she's available. The master bedroom is locked and is the only room in the house that is off limits. Understandable.

I was home yesterday but I had to finish up some school work and a strange feeling crept over me. I gave in to my primal urges and went outside, naked. Just sat out on the lawn chair for a minute. I think I maybe had a hot flash and needed to cool off. Wasn't too cold, in the mid-sixties and sunny. I pulled the reclining lawn chair to the side of the house where it was warmer, had my favorite sunglasses and laid there. Nothing on, but sunglasses.

Then I got a cold skin chill and went back inside the house. I didn't put any clothes on, but spent most of the day doing housework in the nude. It feels good not to wear any clothes sometimes. I had the radio blasting upstairs in my room and I thought about calling Annie for a little get together, but I declined the attempt. I just spent the day by myself.

A perfect day to relax. :)

Monday, November 12, 2012

Kids These Days

Alain and I share this blog, but he hardly ever posts. And when I ask why, he says "Life interrupts". Mmhmm. Likely excuse. :)

So much drama at the restaurant. There are these two kids, young lovers, barely out of their teens and they constantly bicker that I'm about to tell them to grow up or get a room or don't bring your problems to work! Drives me nuts and its a constant back-and-forth thing. The girl is really insecure, but she's not dating the guy. I mean, they USED to be lovers, USED to live together, but they're not anymore yet they act and behave like they're still together.

Girl: "Are you mad at me?"
Guy: "No. I don't date around like you do."
Girl: "But we're not together."
Guy: [shuts up, doesn't talk]
Girl: "You are mad at me."

Back and forth and every time I work with them. I was telling Alain this and he told me over the phone, "Sounds like the girl is insecure. Never dip your pen in company ink. Meh. I don't care about kids these days. They'retards."

Hahahaha!! I asked Mr. Toasterface he should come out here and visit me and we could catch up on life. I miss you, you crazy old fart! <3

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Too Many to Count

That's what I told Chelle when she asked me how many jobs I've had in the last year. Almost all of them were temp jobs from agencies I've worked with, but I can count at least two dozen that I worked for a few hours and got paid for them through craigslist.

She said, "Isn't that dangerous? I mean, do you know any of those people that you got daily pay from?"
Me: "No, not at all. I try to do a little research on the addresses and where the neighborhood is and if its a creepy neighborhood, then I totally avoid it and scratch it off my list. Sometimes the day jobs are in places where I've met an acquaintance there or I've had friends who have had dealings with that person or company, but yes, I research the place where I'm going to be doing a job for. Sometimes, if I'm in the neighborhood, I'll just stop by and check what the job is abou!t."
She: "Wow! You've got some cajones there! I could never do that."

So currently I'm a server for a small restaurant and to 'get my feet wet', I also work part time in a girls group home. I was thinking of becoming a counselor for a family practice thing. I had this bright idea to be one since Rafi's little niece seems to think highly of me. I don't know why. I just talk and listen to the kid and hang out with her like a Big Sister. The kid is in her teens like 15 and was asking me about boys and the conversation shifted to careers. I told her I haven't decided on what I want to be when I grow up. The girl said she wants to be a policewoman.

I'm waiting for my clothes to dry so I can be off for the restaurant. Fun times.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Weight Watching

Annie and I were at Wal-mart last night.

I called her right after I got off my long shift--10 hours, and I asked what she for breakfast and that I would pick her up if she met me in town. She had her mom drive her on her way to work. I picked her up at her favorite book store.

As we entered Wal-mart, my senses were blasted with images of mass consumerism. I haven't been in a Wal-mart store in about a year and I'd forgotten how much I hated being in one. Most of the time, I go shopping at the local grocery store or if I need ammo, I'll go down to this gunsmith friend of my father's and he'll have fresh reloads ready whenever I come down to Phoenix to pick them up.

I headed straight for the produce section and picked out a bag of Russet potatoes, grapefruit and then to the bread section. I also bought two pounds of pork steak which I'm going to marinade and put on the grill later tonight. I'm off today from both jobs and I'm still ahead on my school work! Amazing, isn't it? :)

I bought some other things including spices, coffee and filled our shopping cart with four cases of bottled water. I probably won't go through them in a month, but I've been stocking up on water. I saw on a CNN documentary...or was it a History Channel show that water in the world is drying up. Dad even asked if I was prepared for winter and that's one of the first things he went on about, "Get some water!" OK Dad.

As we were leaving the store, I was making a mental image of how almost everything people eat nowadays is either made of sugar or salt. I'm a naturalist so I prefer all the food I consume to be in a non-sugary, non-preservative laden state. I almost became sickened as I was checking our groceries out, and along the way out, there were even more products like gum and soda to bombard me with impulse buying.

Since Annie has been staying with me, she reminds me of the things we should eat and drags me out of bed every morning to run. Its not even a marathon, but I make it out to be one, running from the mailbox and back up the gravel road. I love Annie but running isn't my thing. I mean, I COULD stand to lose a couple of pounds, but not THAT much. I tell her, "I'm building up my fat storage for winter." :)

Monday, November 5, 2012


Annie and I went shopping at the mall yesterday and it felt great to be inside a semi-cool environment as our sunburned skin welcomed it. I got a slight burn around my face. We decided not to go to the Salt River; too crowded with people, so instead we drove a little ways out of Tucson to visit the Biosphere, a man-made biological experiment out in the desert.

Alain said he and Angela had a good time visiting it almost five years ago...but that was five years ago. When it was hustling and bustling in its hey day, the Biosphere had a small workers' compound beyond its borders, all of which are abandoned now. Well not quite, but there are a few people that stayed on to run the place.

The place reminded me of the old seventies movie with Bruce Dern, "Silent Running".

Saturday, November 3, 2012

A Lazy Saturday

I've noticed that certain phrases or words are underlined in my blog posts and when I hover over them, it leads to another site. WTF? I should check the Blogger settings.

In other news, I have all weekend off!! WOO HOO!!

Mindy, Chelle, and Annie are over and we're thinking of going down to the Salt River for sun, fun and a soak in the water. I haven't been out with a group of people in a long time.

Currently listening to Katy Perry. This tune makes me smile! Annie and I blossomed this past week and I feel like in total bliss with her. I don't know if its love but I can't stop thinking about her when she's not with me. I'm not entirely into girls, but for now, it seems I so head over heels for Annie. Maybe the novelty of this new romance will wear off in a few months, I give it that but for right now, I'm totally enjoying Annie's company.

Chelle and Mindy, they're straight and when I told them I was with Annie, they're cool with it. I didn't get any weird looks from them and they asked if I've turned to the lesbian side. I said I haven't, but Annie is my girlfriend at the moment and that's whom I'm with. Chelle and Mindy aren't looking for anyone, not yet maybe. They both just broke up with their boyfriends recently and we all decided to make it an all-girls weekend!

Friday, November 2, 2012


Most of the time, I don't remember my dreams except the one last night or rather, early morning.

I was riding on Speckle, one of the two Arabian horses back home, but in my dream, I was riding naked. At first I felt embarrassed but when the wind touched my body, it felt great! Anyway, we came to this canyon in around midday and the sun seemed to retreat behind these clouds. I heard my name being whispered and I couldn't tell at first because the sound was bouncing off the canyon's borders.

Speckle stopped at this little grassy patch next to a stream. There were still clouds in the sky, but the atmosphere grew ominously dark. There was this little girl talking and laughing to herself. By this time, I had forgotten I was naked but the little girl didn't seem to mind. She started talking to me about the clouds. I looked up for a minute and back to her face.

The little girl's eyes were red, dark red and she said, "Forget about the girl".

Then Annie woke me up with a call from Christina, who was moving to Prescott. Annie asked who was Christina. I told her she's sort of a drama queen and I don't talk much to her. I took my cellphone from Annie and Chris wanted me to help her move because she had a new job that paid more than waitressing at Buffalo Wild Wings. And something else about sick family.

I was hoping I'd get to spend my day off in bed. Sleeping. But nooo.Chris said she'd pay me $50 in gas and treat me for dinner. She also said she'll tell me more about her job. Sure. I'll be off for her place in an hour. I'll have to take Annie back to her Dad's because I can't just leave her here.

Or maybe she can come and help me move Chris' things.

Options. I have lots of them today.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

How Can We Touch

This song by Patty Smyth, "Hands Tied"....I love this song! I don't remember if I've posted it or not, but I can listen to this song on Repeat at least 15 times a day before I get tired of it. I was driving in the Jeep earlier today, just down to the mailbox which is maybe a quarter mile down the gravel driveway, and I picked the song up on the radio. It came in staticky at first, but towards the middle of the chorus, the song was very clear.

I sometimes think of songs I like as omens like when I'm having a bad day and say for example, Lindsay Buckingham's "I Think I'm in Trouble" comes on the radio. Next thing I know, my tire goes flat. In the middle of nowhere US 89. Fortunately, I have a bunch of tools and random camping gear stowed in this 35 gallon Rubbermaid tote for just such emergencies.

I can't really trust random strangers because I start to think to myself what people would see me as: "Oh look, what a lovely young buxom blonde girl, stuck in the middle of nowhere. I think we'll have some fun with her."


Before I moved out to college, Dad had all us kids run the ranch, including working on all the machinery and if it ever got to the part where we didn't know what we were doing, he called the tractor mechanics out and have them tell us what to do or what it was we did wrong. I remember when I was 20 and Mom told me to bring food to my Dad and brothers up on the north pasture. I used the 4-wheeler to get there but on the way back on the rocky road, I hit a huge rock and flipped the ATV on its side.

Dad and Jack eventually came down to where I was and helped me. The ATV wouldn't start and I was cursing at it. Dad went on home. Jack laughed and said, "OK dummy, what's wrong now?" "Shut up, douche" I said. "I think...wait, yeah". The spark plug coil was loose and wasn't connecting. I jump started on it again and after a few more tries, the engine bleated back to life. "Race you back home!" Jack was on foot! He was hoping to drive my ATV with me on the rack which is a bad place to be because its not padded.

Dad told us not to depend on others, "just do it yourselves, but always be prepared for anything". Annie said yesterday, "Why do you have so much crap in the back of your Jeep?" I'll tell her stories of when I was growing up on the ranch some other time. But for now, I'm just going to give her a big hug and lots of kisses when I see her tonight! :)

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween!

That was what I heard this morning as I answered my phone to come into work on the serving line. Lucca was short on people today, so she asked if I could fill in. I told her if I did come in, I didn't want to be a server. She said she'd put me on the serving line and that I'd have to help the bussers and dishwashers. "That's fine", I said.

I didn't want to tell her that I had an irate customer cuss me out last night and the last thing I wanted to deal with is people on my day off. The serving line's not too bad. All I have to do was take food out and refill the empty pans and help bus tables. I'm feeling lazy today. I also asked to come in at seven tonight. I have 43 hours this week. I should be in trouble but I have an OK from the manager, Tim. He likes me. I meant, he likes me because I come in for shifts no one wants. And that he can always depend on me.

He doesn't like me THAT way. It would look bad on him playing favorites with the wait staff. At least, I don't think he likes me in a romantic way.

In other news, Cynthia sent me email from Germany! Wow!

She asked how I was doing and if I was seeing anyone to not bring them over to the house. I denied the last part. I don't know how she would take to me having Annie overnight and us being together. I clearly did not initiate anything on Annie. She said after we had Au Gratin potatoes and stir fry I made, "I'm attracted to you, Shannon. I can't help it."

No, I'm not telling Cynthia about her. She said she and her hubby should be back around February and that she'd want me to stay on and do some work for them. If its a paying job, I'm all for it. Or if I continue with the house-sitting, I'm all for that too.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Annie, oh Annie!

Annie is the complete opposite of me.

I think she's had a sheltered life living with her mother. She also told me that her mom has fibromyalgia and some other back injury which is why she has to take care of her mother too.

Annie came over this morning as I was headed into town for groceries. I asked her if she wanted to come along.

She: "I don't have any money."
Me: "I didn't ask if you had any money, silly. I just asked if you want to come along."
She: "Sure! What're you gonna get?"
Me: "The usual food stuffs. I'm not trying to lose too much weight."
She: "Oh my gosh, Shannon! You don't need to lose weight at all! You're so skinny!"
Me: "Whatever."

Side note: I don't date often but when the opportunity arises, I'll give it a chance whether it be male or female. I've been thinking about Annie a whole lot lately. Maybe because I live out here in the middle of the desert, well not really, but I do live far from town a little north on US 89. Nearest landmark is Deadman's Mesa. Nice name.

I've been thinking a lot about Annie. A LOT. I think she's incredibly cute and that's coming from a girl. I don't want just sex. I want somebody to do things with. I want companionship. Friendship. Relationship. Oh! I don't know what I want. Maybe I'm just going stir crazy from being alone! Sometimes I like it. Sometimes I don't.

Its been three weeks since Cynthia emailed me. I hope they're all right overseas. They stopped paying me since I have two jobs now. I had to drop two classes because I couldn't get up early enough for them after working overnight in a group home for girls.

My friend Alain aka "toasterface", the other author to this blog, is also house-sitting for "two hot lesbians who've put me forever in friend zone" in a text he sent me yesterday.


Friday, October 19, 2012

Hey Pretty!

I was walking down to get the mail which is at least a mile or so from the mailbox and I saw this girl in a striped t-shirt and daisy dukes with sneakers, walking her big black dog. We almost ran into each other if it hadn't been for the dog dragging her along! This is the conversation when I met Annie.

Me: "Hi, you live around here? I didn't know there were other people on this road."
Her: "No, I'm visiting my Dad. He lives in that old brick house when you come around the second corner."
Me: "Wow. I didn't know there was someone living in it. It looks so run down and always dark."
Her: "I know, right? My Dad, he's away a lot so I live with my Mom in town."
Me: "Mind if I ask what your Dad does?"
Her: "He's in the military Special Ops something. He doesn't say much about what he does and I stopped asking."
Me: "Wow. Aren't you cold? I'm freezing even though the sun is out."
Her: "No, not a bit. Its perfect weather for me. Feels great!"
Me: "By the way, I'm Shannon."
Her: "Annie. Pleased to meet you."
Me: "I live up a mile. I'm house-sitting for friends."
Her: "Cool! Aren't you scared living by yourself out here?"
Me: "Why should I? God watches over me and so do my steel angels."
Her: "Steel angels?"
Me: "You'll have to meet them sometime. Wanna come over tonight for dinner? I don't see too many people out here. I promise I won't bite."
Her: "Can I bring my Mom? I don't want her to worry."
Me: "Sure! I make a mean meat loaf and potatoes."
Her: "Awesome! Its a date then!"

We must have talked for over an hour. She got a text from her Mom that she was going into work early so she's just going to come with Macky, her German Sheppard I saw earlier in the day. There wasn't a speck of any other color besides black on his coat. I've never seen such a big black dog! Annie said that her father asked her to take care of him till he gets back, which could be any day. Annie's a year younger than me, with shoulder-length natural brown hair, athletic build; she said she was on the softball team at NAU. She was curious what I meant about steel angels and asked me if I was a welder or architect and if they were sculptures. I laughed a little bit and said she'll just have to see for herself. She's a cutie!

I met a new friend! I thought of this song which describes me thinking about Annie. "Hey Pretty" by Poe.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Insane in the Membrane

Listening to old school, Cypress Hill.

I think I took on more than I can handle; going to school and working two jobs. After this semester is over, I'm just going to concentrate on school. Not so much working two jobs because its just absolutely crazy! I don't know what I was thinking!

So here I am, at home in my little room--I don't stay in the big comfy one across the hall since its not mine so I sleep in the guest room. Its a cozy place, not too big and just enough for me to hear everything. I hate big houses. With a big house, somebody could be sneaking up on me and I won't know it. This place that I'm still house-sitting, my friends are taking an extended working vacation overseas in Thailand. They said they needed to make connections for their import business so they won't be back till summer, for sure.

No complaints from me. They stopped paying me since I've found work and said if I need money to pay the bills to just call them and they'll put money in my account. When school or work isn't keeping me busy, I've been doing a lot of yard work. Its great because it keeps me busy. I didn't need to, but I sold my .45 to a friend who needed to have a firearm in case her stalker ex-boyfriend came around threatening her.

Its a little on the heavy side, but I wasn't about to give up my 9mm or .22. We went down the road to the owners' patch of land and I showed her how to use the pistol. I even gave her all the ammo I had for the gun so she wouldn't have to spend a dime. Something to get her started and keep my friend safe.

Anyway, tonight I sat home alone watching ghost stories on the BIO channel. I was thinking of getting a puppy to keep me company around the house. I don't know. This requires some thought although I like living alone out here in the sticks by myself. I might ask Eva if she wants to stay the weekend next time I see her.

Time to start a fire in the fire place. Gets cool quick around here. :)

Sunday, September 16, 2012

"Military Grade"

I always wondered what that meant. Is it different from other types of grades like civilian grade or construction grade? Must be.

My brother recently inherited 500 rounds of shotgun ammo and he called me over to see if I wanted to go to the gun range with him. I wasn't doing anything productive on my day off so why not? After a few rounds, my shoulder was hurting. Then I inserted a Magnum round. NEVER AGAIN. The reason why its called a "Magnum" round is cuz the shell casing has more gunpowder in it, thereby, making the pellets go up to 1600 feet per second! And in the process, high recoil. We arrived home two hours later and he calls me over to his office which he's turned into his home armory.

He shows me a box of  "Military Grade 12 gauge .00 Buckshot".

What's that mean?

Military grade?


Means 9 pellets coming at you at 1200 fps. Its from the military and its sold at Walmart. Just think, the military uses shotguns. Do you think they're shooting deer? No. Military grade means the intruder is bleeding from nine holes. I use these for home defense. I mean, bird shot is great too, but these are better.


My brother shows me his stash and gives a box to me. I have about 900 rounds of shotgun ammo. I don't think I need any more.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Job Hunting and stuff

So apparently, I'm not the only one job hunting these days. My counterpart in the Midwest is also.

One thing I've learned while beating feet on hot pavement; employers look for a steady work history. And when I tell them that I work several jobs at the same time, they either frown upon me or they reel with delight. I tend to think the former.

One company that I applied for was an unarmed security place and when I was finished with the War and Peace application, it was close to 20 pages! Towards the 15th page, I was ready to return the application, but I persevered. "Applicants must be willing to go through an extensive background check" was one of the company's policies. At the 18th page, I didn't really care anymore. There were four pages dedicated to the applicant's work history...and I've have over two dozen in the last six months! A girl's gotta do what a girl's gott do! :)

Another section of the security application was "List five people not related to you, who can verify your whereabouts for the last seven years". ???? Seriously?! What am I, some sort of criminal?! I listed Samantha, Cynthia, Darleen (my dog back on the farm), Henry (what Dad calls his favorite tractor), and Karla, all with the exception of Henry that I've known for the last 20 years of my ten years of my life. Yep, by the 19th page of the application, I threw in the pen. I stopped caring by the end of the previous page.

What really made me irate was the part that said, "List your residences for the last ten years, beginning with where you currently live".  By then I was livid. It was a good two hours wasted there. I done need a second job because my school load is a job in itself, but I need a second job because I get bored easily. A little known fact about me: I have boundless amounts of energy and I get bored rather quickly. If I'm finished with school work, I go outside and think of ways to entertain myself. Sometimes, I just walk outside the perimeter of the house, naked.

Naked you say? Yes! I'm house-sitting til December and where the house is situated, almost 15 miles from the main road and the nearest neighbor is 4 miles south of me. Something about having no clothes on outside with the exception on flip flops and the sun and a cool breeze touching my liberating!

I was tempted to call Mindy because I bought a brand new Leopold scope for a rifle I saw at Walmart. I just bought the scope. I've never had a use for one, but I was thinking on getting this .22 Remington just to go target shooting and Mindy owns like, three rifles with scopes on them. I've never used one before. But coming up here would be out of her way since she moved to Prescott.

All my friends are moving away. :(

The plan for the day is to call this staffing agency to see what I can do in my spare time. My current job is a server at this mom-and-pop Chinese restaurant and I only work weekends, which gives me the entire week to mess around. Idle hands...I don't need them and craigslist is coming up empty with day jobs. Ugh.

So I need something to do during the week. :D

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Labor Day

Its 21:58 here so its STILL Labor Day!

I had a wonderful weekend including today. Nothing special, just hung out with some friends who are visiting me from Pensacola along with my parents. They flew out here to give me a sort of  "house-warming" present: THEMSELVES!

Anyway, I mostly spent the weekend with one on Mom's friends in Glendale, which is almost two hours from Flag. I'm sort of tired and glad to be alone all over again. It was great seeing my parents and friends, but I like being alone.

I don't really have much to post about except school tomorrow from 08:00 to noon then a two hour break and classes till 16:00 and my new job--housekeeping for a big office company. Yep. I went from being a server to helping one of Rafi's friends out at housekeeping. I like it because I get to work by myself and I don't have to wear a uniform. I wear a badge though. And the great part, I get to set my own hours!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

All Good Things

I quit my job as a server at Bitchass Workplace last week.

Not too worried about it as I got another job within two days. I had to leave that place. People there were toxic. Even my relationship or what was left of it with Christina, had deteriorated: She and I had somewhat of a falling out. Long story.

And I don't know...I think I juerst got tired of too many schedule changes. One day I would have the days that I wanted, but then I'd get penciled out or get moved to a shift where it would conflict with my classes. GRR!!

So at this new job, still in the restaurant profession--I like talking and meeting people, I start out as the hostess/cashier. I hope they move me up to server because that's where I thrive better. I need to be on the go because if I stay too long in one position, I get bored easily. I like to be on my feet and doing something. And making tips!

I called toasterface because he left a message on my phone...something about using me as a reference. Wow! I've never had that tribute! Someone wanted to use me a reference. I'm the last person anyone would use as I'm not much of a stationary person and as I said before, I'm always on the go. 

My mind is blank at the moment. I'm sort of settling my mind and life down. People aka my former coworkers and their drama. I'm not sure if I want to continue babysitting with Rafi as she's all involved in the workplace drama. I think its time for me to heal, gather my thoughts, get my bearings and do some Shannon time! I don't have time to party and I don't care much about being with social crowds. Maybe I'll just disconnect my phone all-together because its been just ringing constantly. I used to enjoy the days where people would leave messages on my landline if they wanted to reach me. Having a cellphone is like that, but I also get non stop texting. I would rather talk to a person about something important than text. I'm retarded. I think texting is time consuming.

I also like going to the gym now. I've noticed some remarkable features on my body that I never noticed before. My legs have muscles!! That's awesome to me which is why I added an extra exclamation mark at the last sentence. I also see muscles in my fore arms and I think biceps are popping out! I just like being alone and having time to myself. This whole gaggle of so-called "friends" is a bit too much for me.

Maybe I'll just drop out of sight by doing more jobs and being less available to everyone whom I'm supposed to live up to their expectations. RIIIGHT.

I mean, I'm always flexible but if I feel like people are crowding in on me and my personal life, then I get defensive. I'm not a girly girl social butterfly. As soon as I'm done blogging, I'm headed off to the gym where I can focus on me. And then get something to eat and hit the books. Lots of reading to do in "America: Before the Civil War" class. YAY. UGH....

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Facebook and stuff

I refuse to have a facebook account.

Rafi, Christina and my other friends asked me if I have one and they frowned on me when I said I didn't. All of them except Rafi. She likes it that I don't as she doesn't have one herself. She says "I like to remain anonymous. I know I'll eventually turn up on someone's shit list, so I don't care to have one." I've never really thought of it that way...being stalked on the Internet.

I've heard all the stories that its easy to find someone online, even their income and where they've lived. Wow. I figure if someone wanted to find me bad enough, they'll come up my doorstep where they'll be greeted with a 12 gauge shotgun. Yes, I'm still house-sitting and my employers said if I needed firearms in the house to protect myself, "Then, by all means!"

The shotgun, is a Charles Daley field tactical shotgun which I use for home defense, like this one I googled on the net. Can't be too careful nowadays.

I also have the .22, the Sig .380 and the Springfield 9mm in the bedroom. I don't think I'm going overboard, but a single girl alone in a house in the middle of nowhere Northern Arizona desert...yep. I thought of naming my firearms after classic movie stars of the silent screen or actors of the 50s and 60s. Henry Fonda for the Sig, John Wayne for the shotgun, Clint Eastwood for the 9mm and Betty White for my Walther P22.

I sometimes like to walk around only in my bra and underwear because the temperature is so delightful! And clothes, they just cling to my skin. I'm really enjoying the temperate weather here, so clothes are an option especially at night. I just sit out on the upstairs deck on this cheap reclining lawn chair that I bought at Walmart, nude, just enjoying the silence. I turn off all the lights and think about my life before moving out here.

And so far, I think I've done good for myself. It would be nice to have someone who doesn't play head games or is attached to someone else. Maybe I'm just an old fashioned romantic and I want someone for me.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Kiss Me A Little Harder

I was laying in bed a few minutes ago reflecting on my life, being alone in this somewhat big house in the middle of the desert and one thought led to another and I started to think about Chad, my first love even before Jen.

He was all the love I could ever dream of being with, and that said, he's like the man I could spend my life for eternity. The only problem was me. I hurt him. I wasn't ready to commit to a long term relationship and I wasn't ready to settle down. I was stupid and every negative word I can come up with. I wonder what he's doing now.

I thought of how we met at one of Pensacola's many college bars. I was 22 and enjoying the time of my life before I decided to straighten up my life. Growing up in a family of mostly males except for me, Dad wanted a boy so he can have sons to run the ranch, but I came out instead, head-strong and bullheaded, much to my father's disappointment.


My mind keeps wandering. Sorry.

Chad. Sometimes I wonder what or how it would be like to have married him. He was a hard worker, kept mostly to himself except when around me or my friends, whom have said that "You guys make the perfect pair!" I screwed it up. I didn't want to be tied down and become a wife at 22. Chad was/is an old fashioned romantic like he'd bring me flowers when he came over. I was still staying with my parents on the ranch. And he'd open doors for me even if it was pouring rain, he'd think of me before himself.

And when we kissed, its like I was so in tuned with him. I literally saw stars! Fireworks! The whole shebang. He was my first love. And that thing they (ancestors) say about your first love that you never really get over them. Well, I'm at that point NOW.

And thinking about my life in this quiet old house.

In the desert.


I don't have anything planned today except go help this lady in her forties, dig up and plant some garden vegetables. She said she'll pay me $40 for an afternoon's worth of work. I see this as gas money and maybe take in a movie with Christina tonight. Zach's out of town in Prescott so Christina and I will have a girl's night out. I've stopped chasing her and just let her be my friend. I'm not sure what's wrong with me but I feel somewhat depressed at the moment.

I need to get out of this slump. I think, maybe, I just miss someone to cuddle with or hang with. Something. Someone. Time to put all this behind and get ready for work. Need to stop by ACE Hardware and get some leather gloves because the lady said I will be digging holes and whatnot.

Doing something keeps me occupied from thinking too much about anybody.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Summer's End

Wow. I can't believe summer's almost over and in that three months, I've moved from Florida to Arizona and had some good and bad times. Mostly good.

Joseph's out of my life. Finally!

I figured I've saved at least enough to get me back on track for school. I enrolled at NAU for the fall. And just taking seven hours. I want to see if I can handle working full time with a somewhat intense work load of credit hours. Once again, I changed my major and this time to Pre-Allied Health. Something in the medical field. I'm undecided. Maybe physical therapy. School is something to occupy my time when I'm not working for the money I never see.

Ever since I've been babysitting for Rafi, I haven't had much time to go random job hunting on craigslist. I have, however, been to the gun range in Tempe, AZ, with Christina and her cousin, Tiffany, who is some hot shot marksman. Tiff and I hit it off well when we were introduced as she had the same sort of break up I had, but her ex ended their relationship of three years via facebook. Seriously?

Seems like people are afraid of confrontation when they're breaking up and resort to doing it by email, text messaging, or facebook. Me, I don't care for that cowardice. If you want to end a relationship with me, I'd rather we meet face to face and sort it out later. Usually, I'll have my say-so beforehand.

Anyway, I'll have more to say later. I'm off on another adventure in babysitting!


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Kiss Him Goodbye

Sorry I haven't been much for updating this. I've been really busy.
Working at the restaurant, meeting new people than I care for, baby sitting on weekends and every so often, Joseph calls me to work on his garden. About Joseph. He was pretty cool and approachable at first, but now he's really getting on my nerves.

I met this him on craigslist as he was giving some free furniture away. The only thing that interested me was this old laptop he had online along with the furniture. I asked him about it and he said it wasn't for sale. I changed his mind when he wanted me to hang out with him. Just as friends, so he says. I was waiting for the catch. Over the course of a week or so, the friend part just seemed to dissolve away and we slept together. Granted, I'm not THAT easy to get hold of, but I was enjoying the ride.

Joseph seemed to be clingy and then became more possessive. I started backing off him. I don't like it when I have to prove myself to anyone that I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary. I'm predictable enough. Joseph starts bombarding me with texts as to what I'm doing and where I've been. A little bit more concerned.

I'm glad I never brought him back to the house; I'd always meet him in town. It seems like he just flipped from one end to another. He thinks he has me. Let him keep thinking that. Today I'm breaking it off. I can't be his everything when I can't satisfy myself. I'm just rambling on; no coherent thoughts as I'm just so pissed.

Why do I get clingy guys? Maybe I should just learn how to play hard to get next time. See if the relationship is worth it. I don't know. I must be a Klingon attracting clingy guys. And with that, I'll just stop here. Maybe I'll have something more positive to post.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Thoughts on Doomsday

I have to go to work in an hour. The acuity on the unit is high. Not looking forward to that, but I'll survive. We have a new Director and a new Manager and they are people who have moved up the ranks to get to the positions they have gotten. This might as well be Shannon's blog as I really don't have much time to post as I work too much overtime.

I was thinking about my tattoos. And one thought led to another and the movie, "Doomsday" popped into my head along with friends, Kim and Jessica. After seeing that film, I was at one time, obsessed about having a face tattoo like "Viper", one of the characters in the post apocalyptic flick. If it weren't for job restrictions, I'd have a lightning bolt inked down my right eye.

This is Viper:

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Little Girl Blue

After babysitting for extra cash the other day, I decided I want a baby.

Not really, maybe in the distant future.

Rafaela's (Rafi for short) baby, "Lena"--her given name being Marlena, I just fell so fond of her. She's a quiet baby, happy and never cried when her mommy left for work, and took to me when I picked her up. The tv wasR tuned in to qubo--a kid's channel. Rafi said Lena likes cartoons. I asked, "How can you tell?" She replied, "Lena just sits there like she's hypnotized and if she likes something, she'll clap her little hands".

"Yes. I mean, that's what I think she's trying to do. My first kid. I'm all in this baby raising myself. Sometimes I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. Know what I mean?"
"I guess. I wouldn't know much about raising a kid on my own. But it looks like you're doing well. Lena's happy. And I guess that's all that matters."

Rafi had to stay a few hours over and it looks like we're going to be on opposite schedules with me on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Rafi says she moved to Flagstaff two months before me and she doesn't know anybody except for the people at work. She overheard me talking to Christina about getting a second job so she asked her for my number. Then before calling me, Rafi asked if I'm trustworthy and Chris told her that I'm "all heart".

I don't know what that meant, but I'm going to be Lena's babysitter on weekends. I'm looking forward to spending more time with that cute little girl. So I'm set: I have two jobs to where I can save up for my own place as soon as I'm done house-sitting since living out in the boonies is eating up my gas in the Jeep. And that old Jeep is a gas guzzler. I need to move closer to work.

We, Rafi and I, were talking about that this morning when I came over to watch Lena. She said we both could save up for the things we want and it'd be easier if I could just be Lena's 'playmate'. Haha! Sounds like a fun plan, but I'll have to see how next week's paycheck goes.

I have $600 in the bank for savings and liquid funds and that's from tips and the stipend I've been getting for house sitting. Don't get me wrong, I like the privacy of walking around in my bra and underwear in the house and out in the yard, but it does get lonely out there sometimes. I occupy my time when I'm not working by reading books about Arizona and the surrounding historic areas but sometimes I miss the company of good friends like Christina and Zack. Or maybe I can work  it out where I spend weekends in town with Rafi and her baby. I don't know.

What I do know for sure, is that life is good for me. :)

Friday, July 6, 2012

On Auto Pilot

Almost 11:00 AM. I'm still dead tired, but its Friday and I don't have to be at work.

Rafi asked me to babysit her 1 year old. O.O

All the experience of babysitting I've ever done was watching my little nieces and nephews of my brothers' kids. It was OK. At least they all minded their Auntie Shannon. I've never really thought about having kids. I mean, the thought HAD occurred at one time, but I didn't entertain it much.

We'll see how this goes. Rafi said she doesn't see the kid's father. She had to move to another state to get away from his controlling personality. As long as I don't have any family entanglements, I'm OK. If I do, I'll just say, "I'm the babysitter!" She said I shouldn't have any problems and she lives alone and doesn't know anyone except from work. She said to call her if I had any questions.

I googled her address and she lives in an OK neighborhood. I'm bringing the .22 just in case. I never leave the backpack empty without it. Rafi is paying me $50 for 8 hours which is the entirety of her shift. I'm using this for gas money.

Wish me luck! :)

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Open to Close

That's my new schedule. Awesome. Closing time is at 2 AM.

It will take some time getting used to this. I don't know if I have the motivation to adjust to this. We'll see.

I ha d an awesome holiday yesterday though. I hung out with Christina and Zack and some of their friends, but as we were headed off to Christina's friend's place, I got a text from Mindy saying she was out of town and wasn't able to get to my resume. Hello? I asked to have it back a week ago. I don't know what's wrong with her, but it seems like she's just too busy to work on it or she doesn't care if I have it or not. I might just have to update it on my own.

I would say, I have some sun on my skin. Actually, a mild sunburn. Arizona has dry heat, whereas, Florida is humid heat and you burst out in sweat the moment you step out of the house. For me, anyway. I'm looking like a blond BLONDE now. Jacob, one of the shift managers, asked me what I was doing for the holiday and I told him I was going to hang out with friends. Its seems like I'm suddenly "popular". Maybe I shouldn't flirt with my coworkers as much as Christina. I like being on the NOT ON ANYBODY'S RADAR mystique. As soon as I get off work, I go straight home--the house that I'm watching for the summer up in the boonies.

I'm being very vague with this as I don't want coworkers to come pinpointing where I'm located, with the exception of Christina, Zack and Mindy. Maybe not even Mindy anymore. I feel we're becoming distant. Jacob asked me if I was old enough to serve liquor too. Heelloo? I told him and he said, "Gosh, you look so young for your age. I'm sorry." Hmm. I wonder if I should take that as a compliment.

Yesterday, it was Christina, Zack, Jose, Samantha, Debbie, Denise, and Marilyn at Samantha's place out in the sticks. Literally. Nobody for at least 15 miles in any direction. Samantha and her fiance, Chris, who is deployed in Afghanistan, live there by themselves. Jose is Zack's best friend from high school. Denise, Debbie and Marilyn are Christina's former coworkers with Samantha. One more clarification: Debbie is Jose's girlfriend. And I don't know whether Denise and Marilyn are an item but they were both interested in me as I caught them staring at me when we were talking in the hot tub.

I brought my Walther P-22 since its small and lightweight in my backpack. That's the first thing I told Christina and Zack when I rode with them. Some people get antsy whenever I tell them I have a firearm in my possession. They were OK with it. They keep a 12 gauge shotgun at their place. Zack is 31 and is a little older than Christina who is 25.

I think I'll take a nap before I have to go to work and stay up till closing time. Ugh.

Sunday, July 1, 2012


I have to go in at 1:00 PM today. Rafi got my number from Christina, saying that she couldn't make her shift . and she needed a relief. Kind of short notice, but I said I'll do it.

I've never been in any serious trouble before or ever in my life. Last night, Christina and two other girls from work, went to this club and no sooner than we'd gotten there, cops start piling in. First they checked drivers' licenses and then asked people where they lived and if they were legal to live in the United S8tates. I'm guessing the police came into the club to bust illegal immigrants. I've never been involved in a raid before, but since we were sitting on the top floor, we could see a group of Latinos walk out the Entrance. Maybe they were caught. I don't know. It all seem like in slow motion.

Lots of cops. People everywhere. I'm getting sleepy. Came home late this morning and its only 9:20 AM. I need sleep!

Friday, June 29, 2012

Out of Breath

I went running around the park early this morning with Christina. She's a health nut, or rather, someone w ho likes to keep in shape.

I couldn't even tell you the last time I ran or jogged. Ever since I quit smoking three years ago, I've been slowly building myself into some sort of physical shape, not seriously though. Since yesterday, Christina thought we should spend some time together so she and Zack took me to Texas Roadhouse last night and I gorged myself in those soft pillowy bread rolls. Had a double serving of veggies and a 12 oz. ribeye steak, four glasses of sweet tea and a bottle of O'Doul's.

I was HUNGRY. Waitressing does that to a body; constantly on the move on my feet. Zack and Christina were surprised that all that  food I had in front of me, disappeared before them.

Soon as I got home last night, Christina calls me and told me to meet her by the front gate of my apartment complex because she had a surprise for me. Uh huh. Her surprise, running around the park. That was the hard part. I couldn't finish a quarter mile.

Woo. Wow. Just thinking about her makes me dizzy.

At work, I have a steady schedule of 10-7 Monday through Thursday which starts in two weeks, although I'd much rather just work weekends where the tips are greater. The best part about it is I don't have to share my tips with the hostesses or the bussers.

OK. Today is my day off so Christina asked me to go with her to Prescott. And tomorrow, we're going on a hike. She has all these spur of the moment plans I can hardly keep up, but I'm enjoying the ride with her! <3

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Pleasant Distractions

1) Christina. I don't know what to think about her. I mean, we flirt to the guys at work, but in reality, I have to stay grounded because she has a boyfriend and I'm not about to be a home-wrecker. Haha. Me, a home-wrecker. I've never thought of myself as one. I'm too introverted, not daring. That stuff is for other people. I like her a lot. Maybe its from her flirting with me. Just the little hints she drops. Sometimes I just want to say, "Out with it! Tell me what you want!"

2) I saw this grey Shelby Mustang that was on sale on craigslist the other day. I WANT IT. But I can't afford it. So I guess I'll just dream about it.

3) I'm also liking one of the managers at work. Ugh. I know, I'm so fickle. I know for certain that I'm no good in the relationship department, therefore, maybe I'm considering options. Need to keep my mind busy with something. I'm beginning to think that maybe there's a reason why I'm out here in the desert with time on my hands.

4) I like my new phone. I'm barely comprehending all its technological features so the more I stay with it, the less I'm frightened of it. I called Mr. Mean in Oklahoma. He asked me what I wanted. I said, "I want to talk to somebody." He just said, "Call me when I'm awake" and hung up.

What the hell? How am I suppose to know when he's awake? I'm going to bother him again tonight, same time, same Bat-channel. :)

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Dr. No

That's the nickname I have at work.

Granted, I'm not even a doctor, but people assume that since I'm Asian, I'm automatically assume that I'm stereotypically brilliant and have a high dollar profession. Whatever. My niece says "You're one of those people who are so smart that they're lacking in people skills". Yep. Sounds like me.

This patient wanted to go outside and get some air on the patio so she asked another staff member. The staff said to wait a minute so she could ask me. The patient then said, "Don't ask him. He's mean. He always says no."  Since then, I've been called "Dr. No."

I love my job...even though there are times where I want to quit the business of bouncing people and do something else. Patients frequently compliment us for being "nice people". My take on it is that we're all nice, till we say "No".

So a patient will say that "You guys are so nice and professional here", but whenever we say "No, you can't have that in your room", they automatically say that we're rude and mean to them and they list a pile of complaints against us and we get let go. Like say Johnny is president of McDonals and he wants to go smoke a cigarette. I tell Johnny "Sorry sir, this is a nonsmoking facility and you're basicall SOL".  So Johnny files a complaint against me saying I'm rude to him? Since when? I just told him he couldn't smoke on the unit but he goes and tells the next higher up to let him smoke.

Whatever. So my sentiments at this moment is what the bottom card is saying...

Technophobe no more

I HAD to get a cellphone because being in a new location miles away from family, well it became a necessity. Back when I lived in Pensacola, I knew all the people I needed to be in my life so I really didn't need a cellphone. I felt trapped by it. Leashed. If people wanted to get hold of me, they left messages on my land line and I got back to them when I got home as my routine was that friends knew I was never home.

Money whoring myself and all that. :)

So now that I'm in Arizona, I've had to get a cellphone. To keep in touch with my parents and the job requires it. I mostly get calls from work. And every now and then, Mom and Dad call to see how I'm doing and if I need money. I told them that the only pain in the ass is that everything is spread out unlike in Pensacola. But then again, I have to get used to my new surroundings.

I got the htc EVO Shift which has a keyboard and a touch screen. Wooo. For a technophobe like me, this is horror! I'm not a true technophobe, but trying to wrap my head around this gadget makes my head dizzy. The saleswoman when she was describing it for me ASSUMING that I was into all the new apps and stuff, lost me in a labyrinth of word salad. One thing I do like, is youtube.

I can actually see all the videos to songs that I've loved in the past! This one by Patty Smyth, "Hands Tied". I know its an old eighties song, but I still love it! Made me think of Jen for a minute but then again...I've moved on past her. The lyrics ring true inside me.

There is a girl that has caught my eye. Her name is Christina and even though she has a boyfriend, she and I talk/flirt at work. We kind of give the cooks something to talk about. One time I heard Jose say, "Man, what I would give to spend a night with those two blondes".  Christina and I just winked at him. I don't know what I would do if I were with a guy. The last one was Mark in Pensacola and he turned out to be clingy and needy. Too much for me. I like to be independent and have my identity instead of being lashed on to the relationship.

Christina, she's an enigma to me. I like that. A lot. :p

Saturday, June 23, 2012

What Not to put in a Resume

I go in for my interview at Buffalo Wild Wings on Monday! I'm excited! I was actually looking for work at the Green Room restaurant, but I haven't heard back from them.

So yes, I'm looking forward to working at last. I was thinking that I can make a lot of tips here--I'm hoping for the best. Just a summer income to get me by as I don't know when Cynthia and her husband will be back. The last email I got from them was a week ago saying that they had business to do in Sri Lanka and that they won't be back til December or so.

Its fine by me. I'm actually on my own out here in the West. Arizona. I never thought I'd be actually out here in the wild West. In the mean time, I've been updating my resume and all that stuff I learned about writing resumes with "Objective" and info about myself, well, according to some resume builders, that that's irrelevant stuff to put in my resume.

I've compiled a small list here--I'll use this entry to reference since I'm here at the library typing this out. Can't get Internet where I live because signals don't reach out into the forestland.

1) Don't list an objective
2) Don't put down high school stuff
3) Don't list your accomplishments
4) Don't post languages fluent in
5) Bulleted list  preferable
6) Don't put too much personal info

... I'll add to this when I get the draft Mindy did. I asked her if she could write mine up. I know it needs a lot of work before I send it out.  I also need to know how to write a cover letter. I've never had to write one up before, so I guess there's a first time for everything.


Somebody I used to know

I absolutely HATE people who are cruel to animals.

And I don't care what gender the perp is. An incident happened this week which I can't divulge much detail, but it concerned somebody I used to know. I didn't think she would stoop so low, but in her defense, she said, "I couldn't find the cats a home".

I figure if you have a pet, you'd want something to care for and nurture, or maybe you're lonely and need some companionship. If you've raised a pet from the time it was a few weeks old to a year, then you've formed some attachment to it. But, this person that I used to love, didn't take the time to find her cats a home but instead, dumped them off in a parking lot to fend for themselves.

I was walking to my car one evening and out of nowhere, this long-haired black cat comes brushing around my legs. I stopped in my tracks as I'm not particularly fond of cats and something caught my attention. The cat, looking up, purred at me like if it knew me. I bent down to pick it up which it let me and to my surprise, I knew it was one of the cats I raised when I was in a relationship with the girl I used to know.

I picked the cat up and gave it a good hug in all of its smelly glory--it never used to smell when I was in the relationship with girl I used to know, and it purred constantly like it missed me. In an instant, a nuclear bomb went off in my brain and I was completely LIVID.

So in my frustration, I made a post about it on facebook knowing full well that my coworkers were mutual friends of the girl I used to love. They complained to me as well as the girl I used to know. She got hell for the animals on the parking lot but not by me as other coworkers saw her drop the animals off. I was scolded as coworkers told me that my words hurt them. I deleted the original post but put another one with less venom in its place.

I was angry.

How could anyone who got the kittens when they were but three weeks old, raised them to adulthood, then just dump them off in a parking lot without ensuring their safety? Normally, I could care less but at one time, the cats and I had a connection.

Maybe I've gone soft in my older age and beginning to develop a conscience for the first time in my long life. Maybe the feminine side is taking over. I don't know. I just know that the girl I used to care about has become somebody I used to know.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012


In an impulsive act, I ordered the Insanity! workout series.

Just did the Fitness Test which is the first dvd of ten. Yep. I'm asking for an early death as I'm completely drenched in sweat. Tomorrow will be worse.



Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Everything's So New!

I've been very busy the earlier part of the month; beating feet on pavement does that to a woman on a mission. A restless woman, as a matter-of-fact.

I need to stay busy so I won't have time to think of Jen. That bitch still keeps invading my brain. I can now say that with a certainty as I look and reflect on my past relationship with her. I try not to think about her at all. Keep my mind busy.

Stuff like that.

An opportunity opens up for me: I met a girl at the newspaper office as I was looking at the want ads section on the wall. Her name is Mindy and we've connected the first time we talked to each other. Its like, we just couldn't shut up about how we came from the East coast to the West. She's from Buffalo, New York.

Anyway, we've been hanging out, sort of. I meet her in town and we go off from there. We went for a drive down to the Biosphere which is a ways down past Tucson. From Flagstaff to Tucson. Spent the night there too. I don't know about you, but I'm beginning to fall in love with the desert! I love the Catalina Mountains and I've talked to Mindy about wanting to hike it sometime.

She's not a very outdoors going person so I have to encourage her a little.

So this post is about my encounters with a different environment. From Florida to Arizona...change of surroundings. I think I'm adapting well. Haven't gotten a job yet, but this is the start of a new week!

Friday, May 25, 2012

Financial Peace

It took me a year to read this book when my brother gave it to me as "something you should read". I ignored him, of course, as he's sometimes an over-bearing prick.

This time last year, I was in an unhealthy relationship as well, which also drained my creative juices. My ex was a few years younger than me, and she was completely Ms. Wrong in every way and manner. I guess at the time, I just NEEDED somebody...then it dawned on to me that I wasn't happy. I actually lived from paycheck to paycheck, a bad routine to have etched in my life.

I was willing to work through the muck of the relationship but we just seem to fall back on the same groove of argue/make up/argue. Mostly about financial matters. I'm a tight wad, and at times, impractical. I also have impulse-control issues, I'll admit that. The relationship just wasn't working out--I'd save money, but the stress of being with the ex just kept draining me as she mirrored my impulsiveness all too clearly. In other words, we weren't meshing as originally stated. It was just the novelty of a new relationship that was appealing and against my better judgement, I found myself becoming emotionally invested in the unhealthy union.

While I was going through that unsteady affair of the heart, I picked up this book one day...and couldn't put it down! I'm usually a slow reader, but that one day in August, I read almost to the end of the book. In it, Dave Ramsey explains his story of having it all and then being broke and all the measures he took to not scrape and the bottom again. Its been a while since I've read "Financial Peace", but I still implement the basics of it into my personal life like having an emergency cash fund. That part my brother engrained into my head cuz in his words, "Shit happens on a daily basis and you can't predict the outcome of life, so be prepared. Have something to fall back on so you won't be stressed out like you are now."

After reading three quarters of the book and applying some of the fundamentals to my way of thinking, I can safely say that I no longer look forward to counting days to payday. I'm still a money whore, that part won't ever change, but if I can at least plan for my future without having to worry about being in huge debt, I will. In my prepper mentality, its nice to have a Plan B, C, and D.

Its also the Boy Scout motto to "Be Prepared".

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Lego Space Shuttle

I thought this was really cool...a man builds a Lego Space Shuttle and attaches it to a weather balloon and with a camera, he launches it into space!

Fingers McPhee

I went blank for a title. :)

I'm all unpacked from the road trip from Florida to Arizona and I'll have to get use to the climate shock. Its a little cooler here in Flagstaff as compared to Pensacola and I miss the humidity and rain there. Its just for the summer but my opinion will probably change summer's end.

My summer job is house-sitting. How awesome is that? Plus, I get $100 a week for three months...or however they decide to pay me. Either way, my instructions were:

1) Unpack as soon as you get here
2) Check the mail daily
3) Open a bank account ASAP and contact me by email
4) You won't be able to use your cellphone. Signals don't come in clear
5) Make sure Mr. Tubbs and Ariel (their cats) are fed
6) If you run out of cat litter, be sure to get Feline Pine
7) Depending on the weather, the roads get muddy up there
8) If  you get stuck, call the Magdens. They're our neighbors down the way
9) We'll give you an "allowance" to get food and stuff which is why you need an account
10) Our land line works, but its about to get shut off
11) If you have any questions, email me as soon as they come up
12) We're going to be in Thailand for two weeks and then on to Sri Lanka for business as our honeymoon has turned into a working vacation
13) One more thing: DO NOT HAVE COMPANY OVER. We love our privacy and with the exception of the Magdens, we don't trust people. You can shoot our firearms as we have no neighbors for a good 10 miles. Flagstaff is the nearest city so if you go, be sure to stock up before going home.
14) I'm pretty sure you brought your guns and you can lock them up in the safe downstairs. The combination is 85713
15) If you need to use the Jeep, the keys are hanging on the wall by the desk. Its low on gas so you have to fill it up

Have fun, Sweetie! Love you!


So yeah. I have the entire house to myself and I'll probably take pictures later in my 'busy schedule'. I just hope I don't get bored. Now on to job hunting and getting an income while I tell them I'm low on gas to get to town. Maybe I can siphon the remaining gas in the Jeep and put it in my tank! IDEA!!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012


I started seeing a counselor/therapist for my PTSD.

Last week's session was rather enlightening; she made me think in a different light cuz I couldn't get why I was so irritable, impulsive, somewhat always in a grumpy mood and if anyone said or nagged on me, I'd just go off like a spring.

Actually, I have to go see one cuz of work. People were noticing that I was in these weird mood swings on top of the PTSD. I dunno. I just needed to seek professional help cuz I felt like I was in limbo. And when I would stress out, I'd go to the gun range: just to be around noise with the energy flowing through me from the sound and vibrations of the firearms, for an hour I was relaxed. But even then, I didn't feel right. Kinda mucky. BLAH. Like I was about to vomit whatever my brain was focused on. Like this one time, I had the target in my sights, but I was thinking of camels crossing the desert being chased by Jenny McCarthy.

I could clearly see the target but my mind was a billion miles away and at the gun range, I wasn't too into it. I just wanted to sleep. I guess that was part of the depression sinking in--being tired and sleeping a lot. Had a nIasty break up and I was devastated from it cuz the assclown didn't have any respect for me. Whatever. I don't care about her anymore. For the most part, I ignore her at work. She tries to be friendly, but meh.

Being friends with her now isn't a good idea.

So I'm dealing. The therapist asked me if I wanted to harm myself or others. I replied, "No way. I love myself. And I don't want to hurt anyone else." I maybe a wee bit off--break ups can do that to anyone, and pile depression on top of it. I was mostly lethargic and lazy.

And Jenny McCarthy and her camels didn't help either.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Let's Pretend, A Happy End

It was but a momentary lapse of reasoning!

Really. I swear!

I gave into my impulses and went to bed with him. It was such a guilty pleasure and I enjoyed it! But it won't happen again because we're friends and we shouldn't fuck each other if we're going to be just that. When I'm in a relationship, I want exclusivity. I don't want to share with other girls and he has a girlfriend.

Jon says my car will be done by Saturday and I can go back on my merry way on the road. But the more I think of it, I won't allow myself to be used for sex. Well, actually its my fault this time because I seduced him. It wasn't my intention but that's the way it ended. He's at work now at his business so I'm all analyzing this myself.

I could go lay out by the pool in the backyard or go see a movie, or call Jon to meet me for lunch somewhere just as a friend, nothing else. But...I'm so retarded. I'm hard up for a relationship. I don't like to be alone when I have a lot of time to myself. I mean, I love being around people, but when I'm alone, I'm at my most vulnerable and I revert back to bad impulsive habits.

So in analyzing my situation at the moment:
1) Jon's having my car fixed at his friend's garage
2) I'm staying at Jon's till its fixed
3) While I'm without a car, he asked to keep the place clean b/c he works long hours
4) We had a history back in Florida
5) We had spontaneous sex the other day (I wasn't planning on it, but I kissed him first)
6) He couldn't have stopped himself b/c I ambush-kissed him
7) Does that mean I seduced him?
8) He has a girlfriend
9) If he has a girlfriend, he could have stopped me from kissing him
10) He could have stopped himself
11) He didn't
12) So he wanted me as much as I wanted him?
13) Damn it!
14) I've got to apologize to him...for me being a retard.
15) But damn. It felt so good!

What would Samantha back home say, "You're a whore. If you ever did something like that to me, I'd kill you. Period."

Damn. I didn't want to do it, but it just happened. Jon got too close to me and I acted on impulse. Well you know, I'm cursing myself now. So guilty. I'm going to walk down to the 7-11 and grab a beer or two. And then go lay out by the pool. Such a beautiful day to waste!

Jon, to me is like the lyrics in this Garbage song, "You Look So Fine".

Wednesday, May 16, 2012


I had a lot of it just this week alone. As of yesterday, I have sixty four hours, twenty-four hours of OT. AWESOME.

I'm exhausted so I'm spending my time off away from people and shutting my phone off to avoid family drama. I think my Mom finally figured out how to send text messages so she sent this big long hostile text to another family member. The message contained all close relatives' phone numbers so instead of just Mom and my niece having a private moment to each other, the rest of my family watched as it became a back and forth name calling session.

I don't know what happened after the first message, but that's what I'm assuming as I deleted all the posts from the conversation.

I saw my therapist for the first time today. I think she was dead on on my symptoms of PTSD. So...I'll be seeing her again.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012


My car (the one I borrowed from my brother) BROKE DOWN outside Oklahoma City!

If its not one thing, its another. Luckily, I called a good friend since he lives in the area and he helped me out. I even got to stay at his place, provided I do his dishes. I'm not complaining. I mean, I don't have a set schedule to be in Arizona but I'd like to get there soon because all I'm going to do for the summer is house-sit and get mail. I need to do something else. I know I'll have an "allowance" but I still need income.

Time to explore the craigslist out here too! So unless I can get steady income, I'll pretty much be bored. Not really bored, but listless. Need something to occupy my time. Haven't taken many pictures of the road trip which is a huge undertaking, since I've actually never been this far from home. On my own, even!

Sometimes, I think about all those horror movies about people getting kidnapped and all that. I try not to think about it. At every rest stop, I make sure I walk around and stretch my legs. If I feel that I'm in a not too comfortable area, I immediately go back to the car. If a creeper comes up to me, I make sure he can see the bulge in my belt loop where my weapon is. I don't want to be a victim or a statistic. A lone woman can't be too careful nowadays.

Did I mention that my friend of six years is a martial arts instructor? Yep. But while I'm here at his place, I have to do housework while he works on getting my car fixed. Even trade, I suppose. It helps to have friends in self defense matters. I don't like to sound paranoid because my mind will go all over the place, but I need all the background I can get.

There was a bit of an awkward moment though...he was teaching me a submission move and told me to come at him by putting my hands around his throat. Then he showed me a wrist lock followed by an arm bar and then put me on the floor. Clumsy me, I got my foot tangled up with his foot and he almost fell on me to where our faces met.

Awkward moment...where we stared at each other for a minute.

OK. I'm coming clean with this. I met Jonathan in my freshman semester at UWF and we dated, but he moved out to the Midwest after a year, said he got a job offer he couldn't refuse. He was good to me then, but I wasn't ready for a long term relationship and I let him go. We've kept in touch though.

So while we were on the floor, he on top of me, I couldn't help but kiss him. I loved the smell of his cologne and his smile and his eyes and his hard body and everything else! Still, we're just friends, damnit. I haven't had sex in so long, I wouldn't know what to do. Jon has a nice place here: swimming pool in the back, big truck parked in the front, 55 gallon aquarium with fish in it remind me of home, wide-screen tv with streaming video and netflix!

I've thought about him a lot today. I think casual ex sex is in order for the evening! :)

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Dear Jen

This was going to be a letter to Jen, but I never mailed it or gave it to her. I posted it online for the first time on my livejournal under a different title a few days ago.

I don't know why I obsess about you, even though we're no longer together. Its been almost six months.

I still think about you. I don't know WHY.

You've made me completely miserable without you, yet I move on every day if even only an inch.

I hate it that we see each other every weekend; you in the office and me on the floor. And if we do talk, its just about work.

I miss your kisses in my ears and on my face and on my lips. I miss almost everything about you. I don't know if I can say that I hate you, yet I'm glad we didn't get very far. You just decided to throw all we had away in an instant. I don't like talking to you because I just want to rush up and hold you in my arms and feel you next to me.

I don't like talking to you because you make me miss you so I don't look in your eyes.

I don't look at your face.

I don't listen to your voice.

I even avoid talking to our friends about you because I don't want them to know how much I miss being with you. I delude myself into thinking that this is all a phase you're going through and that tomorrow we will be together as before. I know it'll never happen because I'm a little stronger without you in my life. Sometimes. Not always.

I know that if anything happens, I will always have your back.

My fault in this mess, I cared too much.

Parasite Eve

One more thing, I absolutely love this old Playstation game! I haven't beaten it because I'm never in one place long enough to play through it. Its on my TO DO list. :)

Whoring Myself

I'm checking out other blog features as I'm on the road to Flagstaff, Arizona. I was looking at the livejournal and wordpress as I'm a compulsive, impulsive blogger/writer. If I don't have Internet access, I'll write in my notebook. I've had a notebook since the eighth grade.

That long!

This also means I love pens. Those gel pens that write so smoothly are the ones I have a collection of. Yes, I know. I'm weird but in a good way.

Maybe I'll post road travel pix on here. I'm bad at taking pictures. :(

Monday, May 7, 2012

$5 Rock

I put in my two weeks notice yesterday.

As I went to get a tray of silverware when the rush died down, I walked into a conversation with Juan, one of the dishwashers and Leah, one of the four waitresses besides myself on the floor. Juan and Leah were talking about crack.

I pretended not to notice but couldn't help myself because Leah was tearing into Juan about there's no such thing as a "five dollar crack rock". She was going on and how when she lived in Tulsa, that she did a lot of drugs when she was younger and repeating to Juan that he must have fried his brains as there was no such thing.

I just stood there and laughed! I couldn't help it. Juan was full of himself and saw me laughing.

"Piss off, Shannon. This is an A and B conversation so C your way out".

"Hey! I need silverware and you're holding up progress, mister. And don't ask me about that because I have no clue. I was just laughing at what Leah said".

I went out to the lobby to stock up on cereal and in the kitchen, I could hear Leah ripping him a new one. Awesome! From their conversation, this is what I gather: I'm guessing cocaine is expensive and going about getting crack from cocaine would be where would he get five dollars for it?

I have no clue. Maybe he gets it at a discount or something. Anyway, I made great tips from the big table in the back. They left me $50 for a party of eight. I can't complain. Its good money sometimes, but I need to do something with my life. I can't see me being a professional student or going to school forever.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Slugging Along the Daisy Trail

Just got home.

Got called in to do the afternoon shift and there was a bus. A freaking tour bus FFS. On top of the night rush. Are you kidding me? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!

I didn't get as much as I would usually have on say, a Sunday or weekend, but every little bit helps even though I didn't want to work tonight. There was a cute elderly couple that I was talking to and they made me laugh and almost cry at the same time. They have been together almost 60 years! I don't know anyone besides my parents who have been together at least 40 years, but this little couple beat them by twenty years.

You never see that anymore. People who's marriage lasting at least ten years. Most nowadays, people realize they've not been completely honest with each other and end up in divorce not even a year. Anyway, the couple told me that they were from Indianapolis and were back on their way after visiting Universal Studios and the whole Disney World/Magic Kingdom theme parks. They gave me a $25 tip for just being friendly and talking to them!

I wasn't complaining. Although now, I feel guilty about taking it. Was I taking advantage of them? No. Of course not. They gave it to me for being nice and all I was doing was my job. I'm a waitress. Its my job to make my customers happy so they'll leave me big tips. For the most part, they do. I shouldn't feel guilty.

But damn...

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Bath water

Soon as I got to Ashley's, I went straight to the bathroom to run hot water for a bath.

I wanted one. School was a mess but I'm glad I got thru finals with not much of a hitch. As I was driving, a flood of emotions came over me from missing Jen. I didn't have time to grieve losing her. She just dropped me via text. And it was like she was erased from my life. No "Bye Shannon, we're done." She just said, "I don't want us to be us anymore. Its just me." After that, she blocked me to where I couldn't text or call back.

I was so hurt. So many tears came from my eyes. I turned to Samantha for a shoulder to cry on. I turned to all my other hingirlfriends to make sense of shit. I wish there was some sort of school or class to learn how someone you love breaks up with you VIA TEXT MESSAGE after you've shared your life with them for a year. There ought to be a class that explains break ups.

But screw it. I'm almost don't think about her any more. So as soon as I was in the neighborhood of Ashley's apartment, I contemplated of how the bath water was going to feel on my skin. I thought of how I was going to describe in detail how I put a bubble bath on for myself to let me enjoy something so sensual and soothing while I let my mind wander into nothingness.

Instead, I thought of getting a belly button piercing...something like this picture.


Tuesday, May 1, 2012


I was going through my pix of Spring Break and I had to remove all of the ones with Jen in it. I need to go cold turkey on her. Completely. I came across this one of when my parents took me and my brother, Jeremy with them to Sydney, Australia.

I miss that entire week. I remember everything as clear as day. Maybe I'll go back sometime when I'm not so stressed about getting a place of my own. A place to call home. I have a love affair with the beach. Any beach. I just like to sit on the sand and let the edge of the water tingle my feet and toes and get lost in the repetition of the waves. Maybe that's why I love the company of myself and having no one to answer to.

No responsibilities to others except myself. Its easier that way. I need to go to bed. Have an exam tomorrow. Awesome.