Dear Jen

This was going to be a letter to Jen, but I never mailed it or gave it to her. I posted it online for the first time on my livejournal under a different title a few days ago.

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I don't know why I obsess about you, even though we're no longer together. Its been almost six months.

I still think about you. I don't know WHY.

You've made me completely miserable without you, yet I move on every day if even only an inch.

I hate it that we see each other every weekend; you in the office and me on the floor. And if we do talk, its just about work.

I miss your kisses in my ears and on my face and on my lips. I miss almost everything about you. I don't know if I can say that I hate you, yet I'm glad we didn't get very far. You just decided to throw all we had away in an instant. I don't like talking to you because I just want to rush up and hold you in my arms and feel you next to me.

I don't like talking to you because you make me miss you so I don't look in your eyes.

I don't look at your face.

I don't listen to your voice.

I even avoid talking to our friends about you because I don't want them to know how much I miss being with you. I delude myself into thinking that this is all a phase you're going through and that tomorrow we will be together as before. I know it'll never happen because I'm a little stronger without you in my life. Sometimes. Not always.

I know that if anything happens, I will always have your back.


My fault in this mess, I cared too much.