Thursday, December 10, 2015

Social Media Sucks

Social media angers me...sends my blood boiling. This is the only thing besides email that I have online and even then, I don't visit it much. The reason I say social media sucks is cuz so much is going wrong with the country that I'm overstimulated and overwhelmed. And it just seems like no one I know or have known, accepts my way of thinking or is of like-minded as myself. Not narcississtic, just want kindred. But I'm alone...again.

Oh well, time to make new friends.

Monday, November 16, 2015


Friday the 13th...

Coordinated attacks on French citizens on a Friday night by terrorists leaving 129 dead with over 300 injured, 99 in critical condition.

Fucking Muslim bastards...

And I remembered President Obama saying on Thursday that "ISIS is contained"...why the fuck would he say that when there wasn't a strong US presence in Syria anyway? I think he thinks that he's an arrogant Roman emperor trying to appease the masses when there's Gauls looming over the horizon.

And we know how that turned out...Obama--quite possibly the WORST president in US history!

Thursday, October 22, 2015


Got my new Glock 43 out of layaway today!! WOOHOO!!

And I got an extra mag and a new holster for it. Sent out for my concealed carry permit so in about eight weeks, I can carry. First thing's first: PRACTICE. PRACTICE. PRACTICE. Since I don't know anything about the gun ranges here, I just googled for the one closest in my area and its 18 minutes away.

My Glock 43 is a single stack 9mm with 7+1 with a three inch barrel. The box came with:

  • the plastic box
  • a cable lock
  • a speed loader
  • two magazines
  • the semi-automatic handgun
  • miscellaneous papers
And I bought an extra mag and black leather holster for it. YEAH. I'M HAPPY!!

Next purchase is a Glock 19 which I put on layaway too. These are part of my Home Defense Plan. 

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Women...lots of pretty women!

Def Leppard -- "WOMEN"


Laci. Erin. Piper. Maureen. Kelly. Sarah. Lynette.....

I'm not even looking for any dates, hookups, whatever the term of the day is, but they just seem to be calling me or texting. And they're hot coworkers. I made a vow to "never dip my pen in company ink" but I might have to make an exception...seriously thinking about it. 

Laci and Erin gave me a cut-out picture from a magazine and it had this brown-skinned Hawaiian dude in shorts with his hair sticking up like mine. And I was like "What the..."
Erin: "you reminded me of this guy."
Me: "Seriously? I'm not that muscular or young"
Erin: Yeah but you're hot as fuck"
Me: "Uh...I wouldn't say I'm all that"
Lacii: "Yeah you are, that's why I cut it out because he reminds me of you"
Me: "OK....whatever"

Laci: cute, slender, short-haired brunette, 28
Erin: 5'7 140-150 lbs, blond, divorced mother of two, 34
Piper: athletic, young 20something
Maureen: long brown-haired Native American 29
Lynette: luscious single black woman, 44, two grown kids

During a short break, Lynette and I were talking and I was asking her about her past relationships. Conversation piece.

Me: "So what do you like in a guy?"
Lynette: "You. Like everybody already said"
Me: "I'm not talking about them."
Lynette: "You're hot. And sexy. And gorgeous. And you're funny. You make me laugh because you're so crazy. And you work two jobs. And you take care of your dad. I like that. I find that most attractive about you in that you take care of your family"
Me: "Well it doesn't give me much of a social life."
Lynette: Well what are you going to do about it? There's lots of things to do here in Jacksonville. We could go walking down by the beach. Yes, I'd like that very much. When are you going to take me?"

Before I could answer, I got a text from Sean to go pick up some guys at Eleventh Street. 


Saturday, September 19, 2015

09:08 Yesterday more.

No friendship, no nothing.

I'm DONE with her...she said not to even respond to her texts.

I don't know what the fuck has gotten into her...and at this point, I don't fucking care. Too much of an emotional rollercoaster even when she's on meds!

Talked to Cody--he's a recovering heroin addict. He was telling me of his life this afternoon and I just sat there, we sat by the Pit. Then I told him I was having a shitty day and then I told him of how Sam left me AGAIN. He said, "women are confusing cuz they interpret things way different than what you tell them." Then he went on to say, "just make yourself happy. Its all you can do"

I'm still planning on going to Iceland next summer! That's MY goal. Yeah I'm gonna plan a trip for myself to go to Iceland so in the mean time, I'm gonna bury myself in work and save money for an entire year. Yep, that'll make ME happy!

Monday, September 14, 2015

New Line of Work

Not really new line of work, but same field, different duties.

I get to drive around rich kids on their parents/ insurance to their AA/NA meetings, grocery shopping, the gym, get their nails done, and whatever else is in their schedule for the day. Same field, different job duties, is best as I can put it.

Rehab work.

Pays about four dollars more than what I was making at the group home. But yeah, I'm basically a cheuffeur like Sam said. Speaking of whom, IDKWTF is up with her. I'm not even gonna ponder or give it much thought. Tried calling her this morning, but she refused to answer my calls so fuck it. No crying over spilled milk for me. Just gonna concentrate on working and memorizing street names, addresses, and where meeting places are held at the beaches.

I never took a lunch today or even dinner. Barb said to take it whenever I can since we don't have breaks. Yeah well...I like spending my breaks at the beach listening to the waves or watching people play volleyball.

Friday, July 24, 2015

State of the Nation

So a coworker and I were talking about the current presidential candidates and he asked me who I would vote for. And I told him "first of all, I'm brutally honest so whatever I have say will probably piss you off, but since you asked..."

"One: We have a weakling president in office and he's running this country into the ground. And then he gets together with a terrorist nation to sign a nuclear deal with them? Whatever happened to not making any deals with terrorists? And his entire term, he wants to do away with the Constitution and the Second Amendment. Fuck that!

Two: But getting back to your question...Donald Trump will get my vote as will Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina. Maybe Marco Rubio. But I like Ted Cruz' style. He doesn't mince words and gets straight to the point like when he totally DESTROYED the ICE director Saldana on releasing dangerous illegals into the population. So after Trump, I'd vote for Ted Cruz."

Coworker shut his face. He's a Democrat...I'm sick of them and their front person Hilary Clinton.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Poe - Hello

Yeah...I LOVE this rock version of the original.

Flag Controversy

This is the Confederate flag. It is part of American heritage and is sometimes referred to as "stars and bars". As with everything, people take symbolism to the extremes. just like the swastika was a symbol of good fortune for THOUSANDS of years till Hitler bastardized it to the Nazi symbol of oppression, brutality and death. EVERY symbol has its origins. I, myself, think of the Confederate flag as part of US history and heritage, not hate.

Plus...I think it's a cool looking design.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

San Andreas

Sam and I mended our differences.

We saw "San Andreas" yesterday in Hiram. We thought it was a good movie, way better than "Avengers 2: Age of Ultron". The Avengers movie seemed like a re-run and although I liked seeing new characters like the Vision and Scarlet Witch, the whole plot didn't seem appealing to me.

But San Andreas, yeah that one topped Avengers, which was a disappointment to me. San Andreas is a natural disaster movie...kinda makes me think if California could really be ripped in half like that, barring all science-fiction stuff.

I enjoy being around Samantha. She makes me happy most of the time. I guess best friends get on each other's nerves sometimes, which is completely understandable.

Got the day off. Going to a blueberry farm in South Georgia. Ono gave me directions. Been craving blueberries. And its a deal--$2.50 a pound! AWW YEAH

I wanted to go to the Crime and Punishment museum in Ashburn, but Atlanta traffic ALWAYS SUCKS with delays for no reason and that cut into my time for exploring Georgia.

Monday, June 1, 2015

Pure Sexual Energy

'Pure sexual energy'...those three words are what I describe my best friend..

I've never encountered anyone like her in my long life. I hate talking about sex cuz I have a strong addiction to it--mostly with her, and if I can't have it, then I'd rather not talk about it. My mind goes OFF--literally shuts down my consciousness and puts me in a brain fog.

I never knew this about myself till recently. It was like, I was thinking about her 24/10. She was becoming an addiction, an unhealthy obsession and I had to step back and check myself.

Why am I feeling this way?
Is this what our friendship is based on?
Do I objectify her?
When is the next time I'm gonna get some?
I need a fix!!

Yeah addiction. I've never thought of myself as addicted to anything and I don't have an addictive personality...but obviously, I do.

Scares me to depend on one person for my needs so much. I didn't want to use her. But I didn't know how to go about telling her  either cuz it might affect the great friendship that we have. We're not comfortable in our lives to start anything such as a relationship. At least, I'm not anywhere near comfortable in my life to put anyone through torture with my chaotic life. I know this about myself.

So yeah...I'm being self absorbed for this post. Doesn't happen often, but I know what I want. The thing is...I love her dearly yet I was obsessed with her at the same time, like what she was doing, what was going on in her life and how I could interject myself into her environment...and I was completely avoiding mine. And I began to wonder how I got here. How could I help someone with their life when I couldn't deal with mine. She was being an escape for me. TO ME.

I ww..............fuck. I had a thought and completely lost it.

Tomorrow is college testing, advisor meeting, and after, I'm gonna treat myself to the beach and get some natural healing energy of waves and sunshine...without stepping on dog shit.

Thursday, May 28, 2015


Seriously, I do love and care about you but this is best for us. We need to fix ourselves and rise to stand on our own. 831

Tuesday, May 26, 2015



Maybe my mind's calming down and not stressing out about other's stress? I dunno.

Talked/text to a bunch of people yesterday about my shituation: MMM--my oldest friend who was also my high school sweetheart, Idaho, Fergie, Witchblaze, Drone, Sharina, Ham, Crackberry, Sprout, Herb and Bufferkiller. They all basically said I made the right decision and one even asked why I was there for so long. Even the baby slept as long as I did; my one and a half year old niece gets nightmares and wakes up in the middle of the night. She's never slept through a whole night.

I've found that even though I'm antisocial, I still need people in my life. Sharina, Sprout and Crackberry are coworkers. Not too close to Crackberry or Sprout, but they're party girls who've been around so I just gave them a random scenario and asked their opinions.

Sharina just started talking to me two weeks ago. Wanted me to take her weekend shifts and somehow she knew I was stressed out. I don't like telling random people my problems, but this girl knew I had a different demeanor at work. Soon as she's in the door, she's always on the phone with either her husband or her friends, clocks in, and goes about doing night work while still on the phone!

I've found that whenever I get stressed out, I reach out to people I've known whom I've let into my realm of solitude. I usually keep people at bay.

Today is my day off...gonna explore the beaches!

Monday, May 25, 2015

Memorial Day 2015

I'll miss Samantha...

Worked a ten hour shift today...feet tired. Sore. But more my heart aches cuz my brain reasons.

Can't hang on to the past even though it had great memories.

Keep moving forward.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Lovers To Friends

I think I'll be single for a while.

Not really interested in dating or relationships anymore. Gonna be too busy once school starts.

So yeah...

And work offers unlimited overtime and is generous with days off. So I might explore the beaches...maybe look for a place to live ON THE BEACH. That'd be nice!

I still do miss her though. Having withdrawals from Georgia Peach. Ugh

The dot com to this ended last Thursday. Google kept billing me on a non-existent card leftover from Voldemort days--I call my ex Voldemort cuz I hate saying her name for any reason.

Thursday, April 30, 2015

Small Town Boy

Run away, turn away, run away, turn away...

I remember that song growing up in dinky town Oklahoma. Mostly it played when I was playing games at the arcades. Games like Tempest, Joust, Centipede, Tron and Earthworm Jim. My brother and I would stay at the arcade for hours--drunk with video game fever. In fact, that was what we spent the majority of our after-school money in the 1980s as teenagers.

Sure we were in trouble for other bored teenager stuff like shooting out Stop signs on farmers' properties way out in the country, but that was the extent of our mischief. And the age limit for rifles back then on .22 rifles was 16, where I had a gun rack on my Sonoma pick up truck to display my firearms.

I remember this girl I had a massive crush on, Kathy Osborn, she only stayed a year in school during the oil boom. I met her at the bowling alley where my mother ran a business operating the snack bar, and it too, had a row of video games, where my sister would often reprimand my brother and me for spending all the quarters on making high scores on Galaga and Centipede. As a 17 year old, on my days off from working the snack bar or Hardee's--my brother and I had part time jobs there too, I'd spend my days dreaming of Kathy and how it would feel like to kiss her. My four-eyes coveted her walking the halls, or walking by her locker. My friend, Melisa, bumped me one day at my locker asking "when are you gonna ask Kathy out? Inquiring minds wanna know"

Like who's inquiring minds?
Me, Nancy, Heidi, Tina. You always look at her like your eyes are stuck on her. What's up with that?
Uh...I dunno. She might have a boyfriend.
She doesn't.
How do you know, smartass?
I know for a fact she doesn't.
Yeah, Heidi and Tina have her in Home Ec and they were talking about the guys in gym and they asked Kathy if she was seeing anyone and she said no.
Its your move, bucko. Everett was asking about her too so you got competition.

After Melisa said that, I made my move that afternoon. Kathy walked home from school so I hopped in my "dragon wagon"--a 1974 Vista Cruiser station wagon with glass packs, and asked her if she needed a ride home. We had 2nd hour history and 3rd hour science classes together. We talked a lot in the ten minutes it took to get to her house--I took the long way cuz I "accidentally" kept missing the streets. I asked her out one Saturday night to the drive-in and she said "Yes. I want to see that new Star Wars movie, "Empire Strikes Back".

It was smooth sailing till I realized I worked at Hardee's THAT Saturday night. Had to wrangle up something. I asked my brother to work for me, but he was already on the schedule for that night. I went down the list of friends who worked there...and finally got Mark Rundell to work for me. He was the last kid I'd ever talk to cuz he and I worked different shifts. He asked, "Whaddaya got, a hot date?" I didn't like telling people my business cuz it would be all over the school.

In dinky town nowhere Oklahoma, word gets around fast. I took Kathy to the Show-West drive-in in the next town over which was 15 miles away. All the way there we talked about Star Wars. Kathy was a natural blond, about 5'6, 115 lbs, and we both wore glasses, hers were silver-rimmed while mine were thick black-rimmed birth control glasses.

We became good friends, but I never seemed to have the balls to kiss her or make a move on her. I think the friendship was worth more to me than anything else. She moved away that summer and I never saw her again.

Small town kids....

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Brick in the Wall

I was talking to Matt yesterday about moving up and he said "I'll usually post it to let people know if there's positions opening up in the company". I asked cuz I've been with the company six months with no call ins and I work every shift they ask. If I took the upcoming APC job, it's a dollar more, but be on call, no traveling or limited traveling to Georgia and more responsibility.

I'd take the job if it paid three or four bucks more. But a dollar isn't gonna cut it.

So...I continue to be a drone.

A brick in the wall...

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Moneywhore Mode

I have no social life except when I go to Georgia--I make a road trip to Atlanta once or twice a month to reward myself for every little accomplishment I've made.

This company I work for...highly unorganized and somewhat borderline corrupted. There's no consequences for actions of employees that don't follow policies. Other than that, I'm just a brick in the wall. I go in, do my job, go home. I don't socialize with anyone, I don't have any social media contact with them, and I don't have apps of social media with anyone for that matter. I stay low and off the grid as much as possible. I deactivated my Facebook account a year ago. I had eight other accounts to troll with, but that's just boring now and worthless of my time.

Lately, I've just been assigning myself on every open shift. I have a new goal--nursing school. I've been working almost nonstop, with the exception of Georgia road trips...

Yeah... just when I have enough time to make a post, my supervisor calls to ask if I can come in to work cuz of an emergency. More time on the clock, and not even my scheduled time to work.


Wednesday, March 18, 2015


I never liked this Apple app till recently. I messed around with it with my niece cuz she said it was "cool". She takes videos of herself to upload to facebook, another great evil.

But then I tried it out and its as she said, really "cool".

On the downside of things, it cost $384.09 to get a Florida plate today. Thanks for ass raping me, Sunshine State.I would've loved to see MY facial expressions on FaceTime, seeing that heart-attack inducing fee.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

A Sure Thing

I'm not a gambler nor do I make hasty decisions when it comes to making money.

So when a buddy of mine tells me about the Gulf War and Iraqi oil and events surrounding and leading up to Iraq having trillions of oil money laying about, I was skeptical. Tells me I should invest in the dinar cuz its gonna be revalued blah blah blah.

I take it with a grain of barley oats cuz it sounds too good to be true and more of a conspiracy to revalue the Iraqi dinar. How come I've never heard of this pyramid scheme? That's what my doubting mind calls it...but I'm uncertain so I'll put a few bucks in.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Bills and debts

I should have good credit by now, but the never ending stream of bills just doesn't seem to end.

Haven't been on here in a while. Sorry. Getting my life in order and going through the novelty phase of a new relationship! Bliss for now. I feel like I'm on Cloud 99 whenever I'm with Connor. And blah blah blah feels good in the heat of the moment and whenever we're together. All my logical reasoning just flies out the window.

And its a euphoric feeling to not have a care in the world. Its also dangerous. I don't want to be stuck here in limbo. We'll see how it pans out in the next couple of months.

Thursday, January 1, 2015


New Year 2015

And I'm comfortable with myself. I got a good job with unlimited overtime--most of that comes from being short staffed on a daily basis cuz they keep getting hurt from being clobbered by the patients. Not really, they just haven't had enough experience to be working in this field, or they don't know what they're doing when a restraint has to be done.

Myself, I'm avoiding getting hurt at all expense. Not getting hurt for shit.

#2) I have a good woman behind my back. And I love her to bits. She feels the same.

And that's it.

Happy New Year!