Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Kiss Me A Little Harder

I was laying in bed a few minutes ago reflecting on my life, being alone in this somewhat big house in the middle of the desert and one thought led to another and I started to think about Chad, my first love even before Jen.

He was all the love I could ever dream of being with, and that said, he's like the man I could spend my life for eternity. The only problem was me. I hurt him. I wasn't ready to commit to a long term relationship and I wasn't ready to settle down. I was stupid and every negative word I can come up with. I wonder what he's doing now.

I thought of how we met at one of Pensacola's many college bars. I was 22 and enjoying the time of my life before I decided to straighten up my life. Growing up in a family of mostly males except for me, Dad wanted a boy so he can have sons to run the ranch, but I came out instead, head-strong and bullheaded, much to my father's disappointment.


My mind keeps wandering. Sorry.

Chad. Sometimes I wonder what or how it would be like to have married him. He was a hard worker, kept mostly to himself except when around me or my friends, whom have said that "You guys make the perfect pair!" I screwed it up. I didn't want to be tied down and become a wife at 22. Chad was/is an old fashioned romantic like he'd bring me flowers when he came over. I was still staying with my parents on the ranch. And he'd open doors for me even if it was pouring rain, he'd think of me before himself.

And when we kissed, its like I was so in tuned with him. I literally saw stars! Fireworks! The whole shebang. He was my first love. And that thing they (ancestors) say about your first love that you never really get over them. Well, I'm at that point NOW.

And thinking about my life in this quiet old house.

In the desert.


I don't have anything planned today except go help this lady in her forties, dig up and plant some garden vegetables. She said she'll pay me $40 for an afternoon's worth of work. I see this as gas money and maybe take in a movie with Christina tonight. Zach's out of town in Prescott so Christina and I will have a girl's night out. I've stopped chasing her and just let her be my friend. I'm not sure what's wrong with me but I feel somewhat depressed at the moment.

I need to get out of this slump. I think, maybe, I just miss someone to cuddle with or hang with. Something. Someone. Time to put all this behind and get ready for work. Need to stop by ACE Hardware and get some leather gloves because the lady said I will be digging holes and whatnot.

Doing something keeps me occupied from thinking too much about anybody.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Summer's End

Wow. I can't believe summer's almost over and in that three months, I've moved from Florida to Arizona and had some good and bad times. Mostly good.

Joseph's out of my life. Finally!

I figured I've saved at least enough to get me back on track for school. I enrolled at NAU for the fall. And just taking seven hours. I want to see if I can handle working full time with a somewhat intense work load of credit hours. Once again, I changed my major and this time to Pre-Allied Health. Something in the medical field. I'm undecided. Maybe physical therapy. School is something to occupy my time when I'm not working for the money I never see.

Ever since I've been babysitting for Rafi, I haven't had much time to go random job hunting on craigslist. I have, however, been to the gun range in Tempe, AZ, with Christina and her cousin, Tiffany, who is some hot shot marksman. Tiff and I hit it off well when we were introduced as she had the same sort of break up I had, but her ex ended their relationship of three years via facebook. Seriously?

Seems like people are afraid of confrontation when they're breaking up and resort to doing it by email, text messaging, or facebook. Me, I don't care for that cowardice. If you want to end a relationship with me, I'd rather we meet face to face and sort it out later. Usually, I'll have my say-so beforehand.

Anyway, I'll have more to say later. I'm off on another adventure in babysitting!


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Kiss Him Goodbye

Sorry I haven't been much for updating this. I've been really busy.
Working at the restaurant, meeting new people than I care for, baby sitting on weekends and every so often, Joseph calls me to work on his garden. About Joseph. He was pretty cool and approachable at first, but now he's really getting on my nerves.

I met this him on craigslist as he was giving some free furniture away. The only thing that interested me was this old laptop he had online along with the furniture. I asked him about it and he said it wasn't for sale. I changed his mind when he wanted me to hang out with him. Just as friends, so he says. I was waiting for the catch. Over the course of a week or so, the friend part just seemed to dissolve away and we slept together. Granted, I'm not THAT easy to get hold of, but I was enjoying the ride.

Joseph seemed to be clingy and then became more possessive. I started backing off him. I don't like it when I have to prove myself to anyone that I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary. I'm predictable enough. Joseph starts bombarding me with texts as to what I'm doing and where I've been. A little bit more concerned.

I'm glad I never brought him back to the house; I'd always meet him in town. It seems like he just flipped from one end to another. He thinks he has me. Let him keep thinking that. Today I'm breaking it off. I can't be his everything when I can't satisfy myself. I'm just rambling on; no coherent thoughts as I'm just so pissed.

Why do I get clingy guys? Maybe I should just learn how to play hard to get next time. See if the relationship is worth it. I don't know. I must be a Klingon attracting clingy guys. And with that, I'll just stop here. Maybe I'll have something more positive to post.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Thoughts on Doomsday

I have to go to work in an hour. The acuity on the unit is high. Not looking forward to that, but I'll survive. We have a new Director and a new Manager and they are people who have moved up the ranks to get to the positions they have gotten. This might as well be Shannon's blog as I really don't have much time to post as I work too much overtime.

I was thinking about my tattoos. And one thought led to another and the movie, "Doomsday" popped into my head along with friends, Kim and Jessica. After seeing that film, I was at one time, obsessed about having a face tattoo like "Viper", one of the characters in the post apocalyptic flick. If it weren't for job restrictions, I'd have a lightning bolt inked down my right eye.

This is Viper:

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Little Girl Blue

After babysitting for extra cash the other day, I decided I want a baby.

Not really, maybe in the distant future.

Rafaela's (Rafi for short) baby, "Lena"--her given name being Marlena, I just fell so fond of her. She's a quiet baby, happy and never cried when her mommy left for work, and took to me when I picked her up. The tv wasR tuned in to qubo--a kid's channel. Rafi said Lena likes cartoons. I asked, "How can you tell?" She replied, "Lena just sits there like she's hypnotized and if she likes something, she'll clap her little hands".

"Yes. I mean, that's what I think she's trying to do. My first kid. I'm all in this baby raising myself. Sometimes I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. Know what I mean?"
"I guess. I wouldn't know much about raising a kid on my own. But it looks like you're doing well. Lena's happy. And I guess that's all that matters."

Rafi had to stay a few hours over and it looks like we're going to be on opposite schedules with me on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Rafi says she moved to Flagstaff two months before me and she doesn't know anybody except for the people at work. She overheard me talking to Christina about getting a second job so she asked her for my number. Then before calling me, Rafi asked if I'm trustworthy and Chris told her that I'm "all heart".

I don't know what that meant, but I'm going to be Lena's babysitter on weekends. I'm looking forward to spending more time with that cute little girl. So I'm set: I have two jobs to where I can save up for my own place as soon as I'm done house-sitting since living out in the boonies is eating up my gas in the Jeep. And that old Jeep is a gas guzzler. I need to move closer to work.

We, Rafi and I, were talking about that this morning when I came over to watch Lena. She said we both could save up for the things we want and it'd be easier if I could just be Lena's 'playmate'. Haha! Sounds like a fun plan, but I'll have to see how next week's paycheck goes.

I have $600 in the bank for savings and liquid funds and that's from tips and the stipend I've been getting for house sitting. Don't get me wrong, I like the privacy of walking around in my bra and underwear in the house and out in the yard, but it does get lonely out there sometimes. I occupy my time when I'm not working by reading books about Arizona and the surrounding historic areas but sometimes I miss the company of good friends like Christina and Zack. Or maybe I can work  it out where I spend weekends in town with Rafi and her baby. I don't know.

What I do know for sure, is that life is good for me. :)

Friday, July 6, 2012

On Auto Pilot

Almost 11:00 AM. I'm still dead tired, but its Friday and I don't have to be at work.

Rafi asked me to babysit her 1 year old. O.O

All the experience of babysitting I've ever done was watching my little nieces and nephews of my brothers' kids. It was OK. At least they all minded their Auntie Shannon. I've never really thought about having kids. I mean, the thought HAD occurred at one time, but I didn't entertain it much.

We'll see how this goes. Rafi said she doesn't see the kid's father. She had to move to another state to get away from his controlling personality. As long as I don't have any family entanglements, I'm OK. If I do, I'll just say, "I'm the babysitter!" She said I shouldn't have any problems and she lives alone and doesn't know anyone except from work. She said to call her if I had any questions.

I googled her address and she lives in an OK neighborhood. I'm bringing the .22 just in case. I never leave the backpack empty without it. Rafi is paying me $50 for 8 hours which is the entirety of her shift. I'm using this for gas money.

Wish me luck! :)

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Open to Close

That's my new schedule. Awesome. Closing time is at 2 AM.

It will take some time getting used to this. I don't know if I have the motivation to adjust to this. We'll see.

I ha d an awesome holiday yesterday though. I hung out with Christina and Zack and some of their friends, but as we were headed off to Christina's friend's place, I got a text from Mindy saying she was out of town and wasn't able to get to my resume. Hello? I asked to have it back a week ago. I don't know what's wrong with her, but it seems like she's just too busy to work on it or she doesn't care if I have it or not. I might just have to update it on my own.

I would say, I have some sun on my skin. Actually, a mild sunburn. Arizona has dry heat, whereas, Florida is humid heat and you burst out in sweat the moment you step out of the house. For me, anyway. I'm looking like a blond BLONDE now. Jacob, one of the shift managers, asked me what I was doing for the holiday and I told him I was going to hang out with friends. Its seems like I'm suddenly "popular". Maybe I shouldn't flirt with my coworkers as much as Christina. I like being on the NOT ON ANYBODY'S RADAR mystique. As soon as I get off work, I go straight home--the house that I'm watching for the summer up in the boonies.

I'm being very vague with this as I don't want coworkers to come pinpointing where I'm located, with the exception of Christina, Zack and Mindy. Maybe not even Mindy anymore. I feel we're becoming distant. Jacob asked me if I was old enough to serve liquor too. Heelloo? I told him and he said, "Gosh, you look so young for your age. I'm sorry." Hmm. I wonder if I should take that as a compliment.

Yesterday, it was Christina, Zack, Jose, Samantha, Debbie, Denise, and Marilyn at Samantha's place out in the sticks. Literally. Nobody for at least 15 miles in any direction. Samantha and her fiance, Chris, who is deployed in Afghanistan, live there by themselves. Jose is Zack's best friend from high school. Denise, Debbie and Marilyn are Christina's former coworkers with Samantha. One more clarification: Debbie is Jose's girlfriend. And I don't know whether Denise and Marilyn are an item but they were both interested in me as I caught them staring at me when we were talking in the hot tub.

I brought my Walther P-22 since its small and lightweight in my backpack. That's the first thing I told Christina and Zack when I rode with them. Some people get antsy whenever I tell them I have a firearm in my possession. They were OK with it. They keep a 12 gauge shotgun at their place. Zack is 31 and is a little older than Christina who is 25.

I think I'll take a nap before I have to go to work and stay up till closing time. Ugh.

Sunday, July 1, 2012


I have to go in at 1:00 PM today. Rafi got my number from Christina, saying that she couldn't make her shift . and she needed a relief. Kind of short notice, but I said I'll do it.

I've never been in any serious trouble before or ever in my life. Last night, Christina and two other girls from work, went to this club and no sooner than we'd gotten there, cops start piling in. First they checked drivers' licenses and then asked people where they lived and if they were legal to live in the United S8tates. I'm guessing the police came into the club to bust illegal immigrants. I've never been involved in a raid before, but since we were sitting on the top floor, we could see a group of Latinos walk out the Entrance. Maybe they were caught. I don't know. It all seem like in slow motion.

Lots of cops. People everywhere. I'm getting sleepy. Came home late this morning and its only 9:20 AM. I need sleep!