Saturday, December 28, 2013

brain aches and pains

I'm somewhat stressing.

Switchblade is at a job where she hates yet when I tell her to update her resume and start putting applications, she says she has other things to do. LIKE WHAT?!

IF you hate your job that much, look for another one. Simple as that. Just keep looking for one that you might like doing. She's been at her job fourteen years and says she works with a new management team who are just hateful to their staff. If I were her, I'd be gone already cuz I can't put up with ineptness and I'm too opinionated.

Sometimes I think she has a mental block...I really do. Maybe she's afraid she won't find anything else but then again, I look at her demographics:
  • woman
  • over 40
  • single mother
  • GED
That seems like a bleak outlook and I fear for her sanity. I can only encourage and support her, but at the same time, give her ideas on moving on....

I woke up this morning and dreamt I was a world famous pianist. The theater was packed of socialites and the masses waiting for me to play. I walked on the stage with my sulking face, sat down and cracked my knuckles and the first thing that pops in my head, was the tune of Tetris.

Yeah. I play Tetris music.

Friday, December 27, 2013


Ever lost your phone? I lost mine...

Never thought I'd be attached to a damn phone before when in the past, I hated them. I've only been attached to this one cuz it had all my conversations with Switchblade and her pictures and videos. And now I only have the back up which is in my head, my memories of her. We still talk face to face, but somehow its different. The face mail. I don't think we've broken our bond, but we still do talk.

Face to face.

Her lips.


Disconnected from technology.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Lost Connections

Ever lose your phone?

I did. Lost it Christmas Eve. Had all my 49 songs on there. And my entire 43 person/company address book. Not like I kept contact with any one person besides Switchblade, but practically ALL my old bolt friends that I've known the last twelve years.

Nah. I don't miss my phone.


Thursday, December 19, 2013

Passing On

I'll never get use to patients passing on...

This bat-shit crazy old woman...grew on me. At first she irritated the flying piss out of me but gradually, I got an understanding with her and her diagnosis.

I feel emotionless at the moment.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Summertime Sadness

I love that song by Lana Del Rey.

Switchblade. I love her to pieces but sometimes I want to wring her neck cuz she plays these manipulative little ploys if she doesn't get her way.  For example, I told her my new schedule has me working everyday this week till my last day off, which cuts into my original plan of leaving Dodge and hitting the road for Atlanta on the 22nd. Then she tells me not to travel during Christmas cuz of all the heavy traffic on the interstate which makes sense. Logically, the more I think about it, her advice seems valid. Then she texts me this morning, "Look, I'm not feeling anything. Catch up with me in a few days if you are still coming".

It took me a couple of hours to get the gist of it and my gay friend, JP, says "I hope you see she's playing a manipulation game there". And I respond, "Of course! And that's the reason I want to wrong her neck off!" Pouty little miss cuz she can't have it her way and it's beyond my control! I can't help it if I got a shitty schedule! I can't even get my crap out of storage if I have to work all week!

So Little Miss Ray of Sunshine will just have to deal without me being there for Christmas. I'll get there when I get there. But I AM GOING TO ARRIVE THERE. And I've noticed, the longer we're apart, the more we argue. I miss her too but if I can't control the shituation, then it's out of my hands.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

On The Road Again

Wow. It's been a long time since I was here last, but I've been busy. Busier, really. Getting my life organized and grounding myself. In two weeks, I'll be moving to Georgia and rooting myself. Moving out of my comfort zone. If you have someone who believes in you instead of surrounding yourself with people who bring you down, that one person is all it takes to make taking root possible.

On that same note, don't make a move cross country for pussy or penis; it usually doesn't work out. And once it fails, you're stuck with them till you dig yourself out. I learned this ten years ago...the hard way.

And I have friends in this cross-country move who will help me out should I falter in my goal of ultimately becoming a traveler nurse.