Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Flogging the Blog

Sometimes I want to beat myself over the head with a stone mallet...maybe then I'll realize that I'm such a deprecating idiot and realize I'm amazed at my own stupidity.


Fuck it. I'm done talking about the past and this shit!


Saturday, August 2, 2014

Feelz Good

My sister pointed that out to me as I was venting about Switch...

My family gets on my nerves bringing up all my faults and shortcomings with my past relationships. I tolerate their crap till they really get on my nerves then I set boundaries and tell them their own little flaws. Like my brother-in-law talking down to me in his usual condescending manner, then I set him straight. I didn't apologize for blocking him either. He just started talking to me again after twI days. But I explained it to him that he was being a dick and I didn't appreciate being talked to like a kid.

I MAY HAVE BEEN codependent in past relationships with women who needed me or with women who are obsessed with me, but I don't think I'm needy with her. I o realize this yesterday at 0200 AM when the melatonin failed to kick in. Nah, I don't think I'm needy at all...if anything, I'm emotionally attached  as she is with me. We talked for an hour before she went to work and yes, we still communicate after all our differences. She says, "You know, I think we are soul mates, and even without the sex, we'd still be talking or hanging out together. Don't stay apart from me too long. Our connection is intoxicating."

We both hate being apart from each other and since we can't do anything about it till we get our shit done, we decided to play a reward game: we get our goals crossed off and we reward ourselves with seeing each other in the other state. Yeah, that totally motivates me to get my issues resolved much faster.

I know I have my trust / commitment issues to work out and she knows this. She has plate full of crap too. I'm fucked up in the head but knowing that I'm not alone is fine by me. I can accept and live with this. For so many years, I thought I was alone. I finally have someone who has similar crap like me.

Yeah. I can live with myself now.