Wednesday, May 23, 2012


I started seeing a counselor/therapist for my PTSD.

Last week's session was rather enlightening; she made me think in a different light cuz I couldn't get why I was so irritable, impulsive, somewhat always in a grumpy mood and if anyone said or nagged on me, I'd just go off like a spring.

Actually, I have to go see one cuz of work. People were noticing that I was in these weird mood swings on top of the PTSD. I dunno. I just needed to seek professional help cuz I felt like I was in limbo. And when I would stress out, I'd go to the gun range: just to be around noise with the energy flowing through me from the sound and vibrations of the firearms, for an hour I was relaxed. But even then, I didn't feel right. Kinda mucky. BLAH. Like I was about to vomit whatever my brain was focused on. Like this one time, I had the target in my sights, but I was thinking of camels crossing the desert being chased by Jenny McCarthy.

I could clearly see the target but my mind was a billion miles away and at the gun range, I wasn't too into it. I just wanted to sleep. I guess that was part of the depression sinking in--being tired and sleeping a lot. Had a nIasty break up and I was devastated from it cuz the assclown didn't have any respect for me. Whatever. I don't care about her anymore. For the most part, I ignore her at work. She tries to be friendly, but meh.

Being friends with her now isn't a good idea.

So I'm dealing. The therapist asked me if I wanted to harm myself or others. I replied, "No way. I love myself. And I don't want to hurt anyone else." I maybe a wee bit off--break ups can do that to anyone, and pile depression on top of it. I was mostly lethargic and lazy.

And Jenny McCarthy and her camels didn't help either.

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