Sunday, September 7, 2014

Heads will roll

I made a new blog but I don't know what to put in it.

Its official. I'm a single woman again. No needy little man to tie me down. That and his mother. Somehow, she knows everything about me and thinks I'm in competition with her wimpy son. No?

I want a man who can fess up to his own mistakes and say "I'm sorry" when he screws up instead of blaming stuff on me. Or making me feel bad about myself. Ethan did that to me once. ONCE. I called him about it on the phone and told him not to come over anymore. I should have stuck to my word, but I caved in after seeing the dozen or so flowers on my doorstep.

But today, I dug my heels in and didn't give in. Its over. I want nothing more of his superficial personality. After six months, he's never told me he loves me. I made it a clean break. I put all his stuff in a box by my doorstep and told him that he can either come pick it up or I can drop it off at his work. I'm glad I never got into any of that social media stuff so I won't have to worry about Unfriending him or removing his pictures and removing any digital footprints of me anywhere. I want someone who cares about me. Emotionally, I'm stable. I know what I want. I'm financially good too. I just want someone to do things with me.

I want someone who's going to be there for me. Not like in "Spiderman" where Peter Parker promises Mary Jane that he'll be present at her concerts or plays but misses out on them. I want someone who will be supportive of me and back me up. I just want someone who will be there. I don't want a repeat of what happened at graduation when my Dad said he was going to be there and he never showed up. I felt like an idiot. My parents divorced when I was 17 and I lived with my grandparents till I was 22. Ten years later, I still remember the embarrassment of no one being there for me on my special day. Grandpa died a year after Mom and Dad split and Grandma was in the hospital with double leukemia. I was  worried so sick about her but she told me to go ahead and walk across the stage with my friends. She had one of my aunts tape the ceremony so she would see me at my best when she got better. So yeah, I'm a little bitter about that. I want someone to be there for me. Is that too much to ask?

Donice and Karla are my closest friendso they keep me in check. I know most of the ER staff but I don't hang around them after work. I like to keep my life away from the hospital, private, except when Karla and Donice are concerned.

I have to admit though, it felt good letting Ethan go.

Now...for a tub of Ben & Jerry's Hazed & Confused ice cream with lots of fudge and hazelnuts.

And listening to Yeah Yeah Yeahs, "Heads Will Roll" blasting on my iphone dock station!

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