I was reassessing myself and why I get into these unhealthy relationships. Sam said I'm the epitome of fear--"which is why you can't commit to anyone". I think that's a wrong assumption. The reason I can't commit to anyone is cuz no one has made it pass my criteria of being in a relationship with me two years. That's all I ask. Two years. I've seen and met people stay together longer than that.
The reason Sam and I split is she grew a conscience and wasn't ready to be on a relationship. Rather, her mind and overwhelming guilt wouldn't allow her to have a clear mind to love forward with her life. I can't blame her though. If she's not ready to give up the bullshit, then she's not ready to get out of the rut and stay in the groove of misery where she likes it in her little world. I could have given her so much of myself, but as I'm learning, unconditional love like I've told her to expect from me, HAS to be conditional with boundaries and deal-breakers. Unconditional love only exists between family members, not for those romantically involved, and even that, wanes.
Romantic love is fleeting and temporary. I think we were a match made in lust, passion, and fear. Fear of being alone. I'm not giving her excuses nor slack. I just wished I could've kissed her hard before I left...like in those old black and white films such as "From Here To Eternity".
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