Financial Peace

It took me a year to read this book when my brother gave it to me as "something you should read". I ignored him, of course, as he's sometimes an over-bearing prick.

This time last year, I was in an unhealthy relationship as well, which also drained my creative juices. My ex was a few years younger than me, and she was completely Ms. Wrong in every way and manner. I guess at the time, I just NEEDED somebody...then it dawned on to me that I wasn't happy. I actually lived from paycheck to paycheck, a bad routine to have etched in my life.

I was willing to work through the muck of the relationship but we just seem to fall back on the same groove of argue/make up/argue. Mostly about financial matters. I'm a tight wad, and at times, impractical. I also have impulse-control issues, I'll admit that. The relationship just wasn't working out--I'd save money, but the stress of being with the ex just kept draining me as she mirrored my impulsiveness all too clearly. In other words, we weren't meshing as originally stated. It was just the novelty of a new relationship that was appealing and against my better judgement, I found myself becoming emotionally invested in the unhealthy union.

While I was going through that unsteady affair of the heart, I picked up this book one day...and couldn't put it down! I'm usually a slow reader, but that one day in August, I read almost to the end of the book. In it, Dave Ramsey explains his story of having it all and then being broke and all the measures he took to not scrape and the bottom again. Its been a while since I've read "Financial Peace", but I still implement the basics of it into my personal life like having an emergency cash fund. That part my brother engrained into my head cuz in his words, "Shit happens on a daily basis and you can't predict the outcome of life, so be prepared. Have something to fall back on so you won't be stressed out like you are now."

After reading three quarters of the book and applying some of the fundamentals to my way of thinking, I can safely say that I no longer look forward to counting days to payday. I'm still a money whore, that part won't ever change, but if I can at least plan for my future without having to worry about being in huge debt, I will. In my prepper mentality, its nice to have a Plan B, C, and D.

Its also the Boy Scout motto to "Be Prepared".

Lego Space Shuttle

I thought this was really cool...a man builds a Lego Space Shuttle and attaches it to a weather balloon and with a camera, he launches it into space!

Fingers McPhee

I went blank for a title. :)

I'm all unpacked from the road trip from Florida to Arizona and I'll have to get use to the climate shock. Its a little cooler here in Flagstaff as compared to Pensacola and I miss the humidity and rain there. Its just for the summer but my opinion will probably change summer's end.

My summer job is house-sitting. How awesome is that? Plus, I get $100 a week for three months...or however they decide to pay me. Either way, my instructions were:

1) Unpack as soon as you get here
2) Check the mail daily
3) Open a bank account ASAP and contact me by email
4) You won't be able to use your cellphone. Signals don't come in clear
5) Make sure Mr. Tubbs and Ariel (their cats) are fed
6) If you run out of cat litter, be sure to get Feline Pine
7) Depending on the weather, the roads get muddy up there
8) If  you get stuck, call the Magdens. They're our neighbors down the way
9) We'll give you an "allowance" to get food and stuff which is why you need an account
10) Our land line works, but its about to get shut off
11) If you have any questions, email me as soon as they come up
12) We're going to be in Thailand for two weeks and then on to Sri Lanka for business as our honeymoon has turned into a working vacation
13) One more thing: DO NOT HAVE COMPANY OVER. We love our privacy and with the exception of the Magdens, we don't trust people. You can shoot our firearms as we have no neighbors for a good 10 miles. Flagstaff is the nearest city so if you go, be sure to stock up before going home.
14) I'm pretty sure you brought your guns and you can lock them up in the safe downstairs. The combination is 85713
15) If you need to use the Jeep, the keys are hanging on the wall by the desk. Its low on gas so you have to fill it up

Have fun, Sweetie! Love you!

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So yeah. I have the entire house to myself and I'll probably take pictures later in my 'busy schedule'. I just hope I don't get bored. Now on to job hunting and getting an income while I tell them I'm low on gas to get to town. Maybe I can siphon the remaining gas in the Jeep and put it in my tank! IDEA!!

Therapy

I started seeing a counselor/therapist for my PTSD.

Last week's session was rather enlightening; she made me think in a different light cuz I couldn't get why I was so irritable, impulsive, somewhat always in a grumpy mood and if anyone said or nagged on me, I'd just go off like a spring.

Actually, I have to go see one cuz of work. People were noticing that I was in these weird mood swings on top of the PTSD. I dunno. I just needed to seek professional help cuz I felt like I was in limbo. And when I would stress out, I'd go to the gun range: just to be around noise with the energy flowing through me from the sound and vibrations of the firearms, for an hour I was relaxed. But even then, I didn't feel right. Kinda mucky. BLAH. Like I was about to vomit whatever my brain was focused on. Like this one time, I had the target in my sights, but I was thinking of camels crossing the desert being chased by Jenny McCarthy.

I could clearly see the target but my mind was a billion miles away and at the gun range, I wasn't too into it. I just wanted to sleep. I guess that was part of the depression sinking in--being tired and sleeping a lot. Had a nIasty break up and I was devastated from it cuz the assclown didn't have any respect for me. Whatever. I don't care about her anymore. For the most part, I ignore her at work. She tries to be friendly, but meh.

Being friends with her now isn't a good idea.

So I'm dealing. The therapist asked me if I wanted to harm myself or others. I replied, "No way. I love myself. And I don't want to hurt anyone else." I maybe a wee bit off--break ups can do that to anyone, and pile depression on top of it. I was mostly lethargic and lazy.

And Jenny McCarthy and her camels didn't help either.

Let's Pretend, A Happy End

It was but a momentary lapse of reasoning!

Really. I swear!

I gave into my impulses and went to bed with him. It was such a guilty pleasure and I enjoyed it! But it won't happen again because we're friends and we shouldn't fuck each other if we're going to be just that. When I'm in a relationship, I want exclusivity. I don't want to share with other girls and he has a girlfriend.

Jon says my car will be done by Saturday and I can go back on my merry way on the road. But the more I think of it, I won't allow myself to be used for sex. Well, actually its my fault this time because I seduced him. It wasn't my intention but that's the way it ended. He's at work now at his business so I'm all analyzing this myself.

I could go lay out by the pool in the backyard or go see a movie, or call Jon to meet me for lunch somewhere just as a friend, nothing else. But...I'm so retarded. I'm hard up for a relationship. I don't like to be alone when I have a lot of time to myself. I mean, I love being around people, but when I'm alone, I'm at my most vulnerable and I revert back to bad impulsive habits.

So in analyzing my situation at the moment:
1) Jon's having my car fixed at his friend's garage
2) I'm staying at Jon's till its fixed
3) While I'm without a car, he asked to keep the place clean b/c he works long hours
4) We had a history back in Florida
5) We had spontaneous sex the other day (I wasn't planning on it, but I kissed him first)
6) He couldn't have stopped himself b/c I ambush-kissed him
7) Does that mean I seduced him?
8) He has a girlfriend
9) If he has a girlfriend, he could have stopped me from kissing him
10) He could have stopped himself
11) He didn't
12) So he wanted me as much as I wanted him?
13) Damn it!
14) I've got to apologize to him...for me being a retard.
15) But damn. It felt so good!

What would Samantha back home say, "You're a whore. If you ever did something like that to me, I'd kill you. Period."

Damn. I didn't want to do it, but it just happened. Jon got too close to me and I acted on impulse. Well you know, I'm cursing myself now. So guilty. I'm going to walk down to the 7-11 and grab a beer or two. And then go lay out by the pool. Such a beautiful day to waste!

Jon, to me is like the lyrics in this Garbage song, "You Look So Fine".