Saturday, July 26, 2014

Borderline Personality Disorder

Its really hard being in a relationship/friendship since she's ALWAYS stressed out and insecure of herself. I've been researching BPD and she definitely has a lot of the symptoms:

  • suicidal ideation
  • feelings of emptiness and abandonment when I'm not around
  • high stress levels
  • clinical depression
  • severe mood swings and anxiety
I don't know what else to do but comfort her over the phone. But most of the time, that's not enough. I told her to go see a doctor, but she refuses and gives me the excuse that she "doesn't have the money" blah blah blah. Told her that the stress is gonna age her and kill her. Sometimes I think that's what she wants. She complains her job sucks and I told her to dress up her resume and look for another job. She procrastinates and has a loss of time--she has trouble focusing, concentrating on daily tasks like paying bills. 

I've repeatedly told her that I'm her friend to the end like the urbandictionary definition of  "Friends: people who are aware of how retarded you are and yet still manage to be seen with you in public".

I absolutely hate seeing her this way. It drains me too. Its not healthy for me either. I've never been with a borderline so this is all new to me. Sometimes I wonder if I am borderline myself since I text bombed her phone all worried about her hiatus from the phone and internet, and worrying about her made me send her five emails. And even though I've realized that love makes me do stupid shit, common sense prevails and tells me this is a toxic relationship. I'm torn between emotion and reasoning...


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