Friday, January 31, 2014

That Which Cannot Be Explained

Is it weird to love her so much it hurts inside and makes me scared and insecure like a parolee awaiting release? I feel like that sometimes even though she's mine and I'm hers, not in the possessive sense, but belonging. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.

Just the sheer thought of losing her scares the piss out of me. We reassure each other that we'll never leave the other's side, but how do we know for certain it won't happen? Right now, for the time being, we're best friends/lovers with no expectations. We say "I love you" and all that mushy shit. It's inevitable that that was going to happen.

She says I've helped her; helped her sort her emotions out. Grounded her. Got her to feel again instead of being numb and lethargic. Made her a little bit sane. But what of me? If I were to do it all over again, I would still have come to be with her. I'm like a boat being sucked up in the whirlpool of Switchblade. Is it because I'm madly incredibly head over heels for her? I've always thought of myself as an emotionless clod...till last summer.

Honestly, I really don't know what the fuck is wrong with me...

No comments: