Choose

"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit- crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?"


-- Renton from the movie "Trainspotting"



I choose to have a life. I get to travel all over the place. Within the past month, I put 5,000 miles on my car. Living in a car blows, but not as much as having a crop so I choose to have a life at ENJOYING life. I'm finding out who I am. I'm finding out I can make a living out of nothing. I guess that's all right, for now. I miss working. I miss having a steady job. I miss punching in the clock. Literally.

At my last job, we pushed these hard buttons and at times, I would lose my temper and knuckled it ... like a Cro-Magnon ape. I remember one time, this hot MILF was behind me (I didn't know she was behind me) waiting to punch in and I was knuckling the time clock. Then I sensed her presence.

I felt really primal then.

Currently hard-wired to my old apartment that I'm leaving today. Cleaning and moving sucks. I kinda feel like Renton in "Trainspotting" in the last scene where he's got the money on the run from Bagbie, whose blowing piss out his ass cuz the money's gone. And I like it that Renton gave a share to Spud so it was a happy ending. Sort of. I know people like Bagbie. Worse than me.

Backstory:
I rented out my apartment for the gem show and the last renters turned it to shit. I told Christina that I didn't want people with dogs but she told me they were obedience dogs and going to keep them kenneled. I needed the rent money anyway ... to pay for Roo's surgery in Pet ER. The renters left my apt fucked up: window blinds ripped and the bathroom linoleum in shreds. And when they couldn't pay, they said they'll come back and get the mess cleaned up. So while Angie and I were at my place cleaning, one of them tried to come back but left once she saw us STILL at the apartment. Angie got some of her precious stones amounting a few hundred bones and I was tempted to pawn the chick's laptop. Who'd want a Macbook anyway? They were Cali hippies so they didn't have anything of value except the rocks. I'm still broke. I'm not repairing the blinds or linoleum -- which has another layer exactly like the one that's ripped ON TOP OF IT.

So yeah ... I'm kinda abandoning it. What can they do, evict me? No job to pay for the next two months rent so I'm back to living out in the desert at Angie's. She's in school in California. I was tempted to ask some people to put some hurt on the renters who WERE also from Cali. I could do that. I can do that. But I'm not. Angie keeps telling me about the Three-fold. She put a hex on them so I won't have to deal with it. Besides, she's closer to them anyway.



-- So I'm somewhat like Renton ... in the choosing part. I don't care for drugs, but choosing is always good. Its like being on a smorgasbord: you get to choose anything you want. I got lots to choose now. My sis, Hazel, sent me some money to go back home to OK til Angie gets out of school so I think I'll go visit my family for a while.



EL O EL