Social Media Sucks

Social media angers me...sends my blood boiling. This is the only thing besides email that I have online and even then, I don't visit it much. The reason I say social media sucks is cuz so much is going wrong with the country that I'm overstimulated and overwhelmed. And it just seems like no one I know or have known, accepts my way of thinking or is of like-minded as myself. Not narcississtic, just want kindred. But I'm alone...again.

Oh well, time to make new friends.

All That Jazz

I think there was a movie of that title like back in the 80s.

I don't know about the news anymore. There's too much crap being broadcasted. I think the country is going downhill. That's my point-of-view anyway.

I wanted to see this movie, "Zero Dark Thirty" with Annie but she stood me up. I'm not too worried about it. I didn't have high expectations of our "date" when she called me.

Other than that, I'm moving. And moving sucks. My house-sitting stint will be over in a few months so its best that I start looking for a place. I know I can afford it having worked a steady job plus two or three to supplement my savings. I might even have some money left over...to spend for next semester's tuition and books.

Isn't it great how one thing leads to another headache?

Ugh.

Ew. EXs

For me, exs are what exactly they are; EXt out of my life because something between us--me and them, didn't work out. I was reading an old email that was sent to me from an ex boyfriend back in 2011 and I couldn't read the entire thing because I couldn't get passed all the name calling and crap mentioned in it.

It will probably take me another year or so, maybe even five, to actually read the entire email. With the exception of Annie, I don't think I could ever date an ex again. Annie, however, wears heavily on my heart and mind. I often think of her and how she's doing nowadays.

Bills! Bills! Bills!

I shouldn't be in debt, but I'm getting myself out of my financial hole that I dug myself in.

My Pell Grant didn't come in last semester so I had to pay my tuition (of which I'm still paying as of this entry), and this semester's bill as well. I'm still at the place in the middle-of-nowhere desert, which is great as if I was at my own place in town, I'd be so broke!

Let's see...tuition from last semester and the current one; payment on the Jeep for getting the transmission worked on; gas money for aforementioned GAS HOG; and other than making payments on books for this semester, I'm basically running on empty in the financial department. Plus, I have to ask a cash advance every couple of weeks on getting food to eat...groceries.

Most of the time I just bring home food from the restaurant and I had to cut my hours working at the group home. Being a starving student sucks major, but my grades are up and steady and that's all I care about for now. Got an email from Cynthia saying that they're planning to sell the house at the end of August and asked that I get boxes to pack their stuff and put them in storage. THE ENTIRE HOUSE.

A dilemma in the oncoming months.

When it rains, it pours!

Lethargic

Currently unmotivated aInt the moment.

My butt's dragging. Last Sunday, I disagreed with the head waitstaff and I stayed mad. She pissed me off! I tried to stay calm even during the evening rush but the more I thought about the problem, my attitude towards the problem got worse.

Then when Tasha asked me if I was OK because I had this way about me that she could feel even when I was across the room as she was waiting on her customers, I didn't answer her. She asked again, and I finally said, "Nothing. I'm not well at all".

I took one last sip of my drink and walked to the manager's office and told Marcus that my house alarm is going off and I needed to go to check it out. It wasn't actually, but I decided to remove myself from the situation that was bothering me and thus, preventing further chaos for myself and others.

I normally don't let stuff get to me and shake it off, but the head waitstaff--I won't name her because she'll just conjure up bad vibes and make me mad all over again, was rude and offensive. I wanted to punch her in the face...but I didn't. I calmly told management that I needed to check my house and clocked out.

I didn't even go in to work Monday. Actually, I had forgotten that I was on the schedule for Monday. Too stressed. Instead, I spent the day with Chelle and Lisa in Phoenix, doing this indoor rock-climbing thing. I definitely need to lose about ten pounds! I spent the night at Chelle's and when I woke up the next morning, she had made some waffles, bacon and eggs and was brewing up coffee. She greeted me warmly.

"And how're you doing this fine Tuesday morning?"
"Tuesday? Its Wednesday."
"Nope, Tuesday. Yesterday was Monday and Tuesday comes after Monday."
"I know that smart ass. I thought it was Wednesday!"
"You need to go back to sleep. But here, I made some coffee. It'll make you come to your senses."
"Oh my God. I totally missed work yesterday! Shit! Shit! Shit!"
"Wow, Shan. Maybe you can call them and explain everything and that you didn't know."
"My first no call, no show. Crap. I'll have to talk to Marcus or Chad."
"Just call them or go there later. You're a hard worker. I'm sure they'll understand."

I didn't tell her but we both know that in any job, a no call-no show is grounds for termination. I've never done this before. I actually forgot I had to work! Eeeep!

the 2nd amendment

Repealing that, would throw the nation in chaos. That's what I think. Another civil war with the government, but I suck at politics so I'm not going to go there. And history repeating itself when the Native Americans surrendered their arms to the Union government and look what happened. They all were placed on reservations or had to relocate across miles and miles of inhospitable land.

That's my brief history lesson for the day.

School is going well as it usually does for me in the beginning of the semester. Mom says I need to get a life already and that I should stop floundering about and just graduate. Its not that easy, Mother.

I'm going back to bed. And shutting my phone off. All this money-whoring is wearing me thin and making me lose patience. I've worked twelve days straight at the restaurant and yes, the money is great, but I'm worn out. Beat. Dead. Tired.

Bedtime! It calls me!

zombie apocalypse and bread dough

Chelle's upstairs steam cleaning the carpet and I was in the kitchen making cinnamon rolls and bread. I set the timer while I'm typing this down.

So Chelle asked to come over to talk and visit and I said she was welcome anytime. I like her company. I asked her to rent a steam cleaner before she came up and I'd pay her back later. She said it wasn't a problem and that its on her since I'd done her so many favors in the past.

She goes to tell me about the guy she's seeing and that he's a real gamer/geek. And he hardly pays her attention. I asked, "then why are you with him?"

"Because I think I'm falling for him?"
"That doesn't make any sense. You like this guy because he ignores you? That's stupid."
"Yeah I know. But he's gorgeous!"
"So is a Ferrari but you don't see me driving around in it."
"What's your point, Shannon?"
"Maybe you could compromise and you guys do something together. Have you slept with him yet?"
"No. We've been seeing each other for maybe, a week."
"Maybe that's your problem. He's ignoring you because you're not putting out. Guys do that."
"Hmm. I've never thought of it that way. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned and my parents raised me well."
"From all the stuff you've told me before and now, I think you're not ready for a relationship. Be single for a while till you decided what you want. That's what I think."
"You think so?"
"Yeah. And next time he calls, don't answer him. Tell him you're busy at my place. Don't make yourself too available. Make him want you. Hell, make him want you hard!"

We both laughed and we laughed harder how he went on about the 'zombie apocalypse'.

2013

Wow! I haven't blogged since last year!

I passed my classes all of them and I pre-enrolled for the spring semester, but I'm only going to take nine hours. I still work at the small restaurant and the group home is downsizing, so I'm going to have to look for another job. I really like working at the restaurant--friendly staff for the most part, no drama.

I'm really tired. Got home an hour ago. I think I'll take a nice hot soak in the tub! :)

One Billion!

Well as of this post, PSY's "Gangnam Style" peaked one billion views plus as of the end of the world yesterday. I just saw it for the first time a minute ago when Chelle was on her laptop and me on mine. We were playing Skyrim but before I started the game, she told me of this viral video that reached one billion something.

Me: That's insane! One billion really?
Chelle: Yeah, its crazy right?

And we both laughed til I saw it and I laughed even harder! That guy...he was singing while he's in the john.

Hilarious!

State of the World

Currently listening to Janet Jackson's, "State of the World" on youtube.

Listening, not watching. Its playing in the background. Got home a few minutes ago from talking to this guy I just met. He is actually a customer I waited on earlier in the evening. He said he wanted to talk to me afterwards, and then he waited in the parking lot after work.

I didn't think he would return but he did. His name is Connor, about 6'2, slender build, nice eyes with brown hair. He seems amiable and interested in being friends. I told him I'm not wanting to be in a relationship right now, and he's cool with that. He wants to hang out though. Same thing.

I could give it a try, but I can't be distracted too much because finishing school is top priority even though its about eight semesters away and a lot can happen in that time. Connor asked when my next day off would be and that if I wanted, we could go see a movie together. He said he's only here for a month because his job as an oilfield rep/salesman takes him on the road much.

THAT is why we can't be together. And that is why I don't want a relationship with a traveling salesman.

My mind is clouded with the state of the world at the moment. That shooting in Connecticut and all those little kids...

I've thought about having kids when I graduate from college.

Le Back, it le hurts

I don't know what I did to my back but its sore and hurts. The top of my shoulders too.

I've been lethargic and mostly tired these days. Working two jobs and going to school is sapping my strength to do anything. At one point while I sat outside waiting for Chelle to pick me up on campus, I pondered life at the moment. I thought about all my past romances, and the most recent one with Annie. I miss her sometimes. Chelle asked earlier if I was still with her and my mind was a million miles away.

"I take it that it didn't go very well with you two."
"No, its not that. I was just thinking about what I want in a relationship."
"Don't worry about it, girl. You got more time than you know what to do with."

Its peculiar she said that. More time than I know what to do with. I'll have to analyze this a little more. But for now, I've got to do something about my sore back. I think I'll set up an appointment to get a massage.

My Resume

I was updating my resume last night and I was thinking I have the crappiest work history, having two dozen jobs within this year alone. Unless, I think of the different people I've picked up day jobs from ads on craigslist as ONE employer, then no. And that cuts it down to four actual jobs I've had all together.

Its easy money for me to pick up day jobs on craigslist. When I find a job that seems suitable, I answer the ad. Then I send an email to the address listed inquiring about the job. Then if it sounds legit, then I google the address and if its in a bad neighborhood, I reply and turn it down. But if its in a decent area, I search even more about the area of town I'm going to be driving, driving directions, landmarks, grocery stores, major intersections. And then I contact the person.

After we exchange phone numbers, I try to pay attention to their tone of voice, background noise, whether there's nervousness in the way they sound, stuff like that. Sometimes I call Mindy or Chelle since they've been living here longer than me and I ask them about the neighborhood or part of town the job is in.

I was thinking of buying a taser because I don't trust the can of mace on my key chain. Or invest in a machete. Who knows, I might need it for protection or something. I do remember...wait, YES! There's a machete in the attic. I was nosing around up there one day when I first moved in, and there was this big heavy one up in the corner by the the attic window, just propped against the wall.

Scratch buying one. I just need a knife sharpener.

I'll ask Chelle or Mindy if they want to go shopping in Phoenix on Monday, my one day off. :)

My Feet Hurt!

Yes, my feet hurt like a throbbing pain on the bottom of my heels!

I think maybe its due to me being on them ALL THE TIME. Or maybe its just my brain in overdrive making me think that. Whatever. Work at the group home is stressful now that there's a patient who seems to get into trouble with the other residents. Blah blah blah. And working at the restaurant, seems I can never sit down for more than ten minutes to enjoy a nice cold Coke.

The other waitresses say I need to get a life and that I need to "socialize and go out". At this point in life, I'm just working for the Money God so he can give me what I want. And that...I haven't quite figured out yet! But no, I broke it off with Annie, rather, it was mutual. She has to take care of her mother and I have school and work.

But my feet hurt! I wear my Sketchers to both work places but they still ache whenever I come home around midnight. Granted, I work three nights a week at the restaurant and four days at the group home. Well, the group home isn't so bad. And I love working with the day staff; the night shift are an asinine bunch, but I guess they have to be.

I think I might schedule myself for a massage a spa treatment next week. Sounds like a plan!

I Made Pizza

I saw the recipe off pinterest and decided to make a pineapple with pepperoni pizza. I had it in the oven not just 15 minutes ago, but I got an urgent call from Cynthia saying her hubby was in a car wreck. I asked all about the details but she said they were in London and something happened. She said she'll call me later when she gets to the hospital.

When I came back into the kitchen, my pizza was burnt. My creation. I'll just have to settle for a microwaved tv dinner before heading off to work. The drama kids, one of them quit. I'm glad. The girl missed too many days and the owners let her go. I would too if I were the boss.

NO DRAMA IN MY RESTAURANT! LEAVE YOUR PROBLEMS AT HOME! That would be one of my rules if I were to ever own a business, most likely a restaurant.

A Perfect Morning

Living alone in the middle of nowhere desert is almost a luxury that most people want. Me, I'm doing it because I'm house-sitting for friends. Its a nice place with nothing spectacular to it, almost looks like a rental house a vacationer would see online, but everything about it is ordinary. Cozy, is what I'd call it. A two bedroom upstairs with a bathroom in the master and one in the hall with a tub, no shower.

If I want a shower, I'd have to go downstairs. Whenever I come home from work, a hot bath is usually all I need to go to straight to bed. Maybe a warm body if she's available. The master bedroom is locked and is the only room in the house that is off limits. Understandable.

I was home yesterday but I had to finish up some school work and a strange feeling crept over me. I gave in to my primal urges and went outside, naked. Just sat out on the lawn chair for a minute. I think I maybe had a hot flash and needed to cool off. Wasn't too cold, in the mid-sixties and sunny. I pulled the reclining lawn chair to the side of the house where it was warmer, had my favorite sunglasses and laid there. Nothing on, but sunglasses.

Then I got a cold skin chill and went back inside the house. I didn't put any clothes on, but spent most of the day doing housework in the nude. It feels good not to wear any clothes sometimes. I had the radio blasting upstairs in my room and I thought about calling Annie for a little get together, but I declined the attempt. I just spent the day by myself.

A perfect day to relax. :)

Kids These Days

Alain and I share this blog, but he hardly ever posts. And when I ask why, he says "Life interrupts". Mmhmm. Likely excuse. :)

So much drama at the restaurant. There are these two kids, young lovers, barely out of their teens and they constantly bicker that I'm about to tell them to grow up or get a room or don't bring your problems to work! Drives me nuts and its a constant back-and-forth thing. The girl is really insecure, but she's not dating the guy. I mean, they USED to be lovers, USED to live together, but they're not anymore yet they act and behave like they're still together.

Girl: "Are you mad at me?"
Guy: "No. I don't date around like you do."
Girl: "But we're not together."
Guy: [shuts up, doesn't talk]
Girl: "You are mad at me."

Back and forth and every time I work with them. I was telling Alain this and he told me over the phone, "Sounds like the girl is insecure. Never dip your pen in company ink. Meh. I don't care about kids these days. They'retards."

Hahahaha!! I asked Mr. Toasterface he should come out here and visit me and we could catch up on life. I miss you, you crazy old fart! <3

Too Many to Count

That's what I told Chelle when she asked me how many jobs I've had in the last year. Almost all of them were temp jobs from agencies I've worked with, but I can count at least two dozen that I worked for a few hours and got paid for them through craigslist.

She said, "Isn't that dangerous? I mean, do you know any of those people that you got daily pay from?"
Me: "No, not at all. I try to do a little research on the addresses and where the neighborhood is and if its a creepy neighborhood, then I totally avoid it and scratch it off my list. Sometimes the day jobs are in places where I've met an acquaintance there or I've had friends who have had dealings with that person or company, but yes, I research the place where I'm going to be doing a job for. Sometimes, if I'm in the neighborhood, I'll just stop by and check what the job is abou!t."
She: "Wow! You've got some cajones there! I could never do that."

So currently I'm a server for a small restaurant and to 'get my feet wet', I also work part time in a girls group home. I was thinking of becoming a counselor for a family practice thing. I had this bright idea to be one since Rafi's little niece seems to think highly of me. I don't know why. I just talk and listen to the kid and hang out with her like a Big Sister. The kid is in her teens like 15 and was asking me about boys and the conversation shifted to careers. I told her I haven't decided on what I want to be when I grow up. The girl said she wants to be a policewoman.

I'm waiting for my clothes to dry so I can be off for the restaurant. Fun times.

Biosphere

Annie and I went shopping at the mall yesterday and it felt great to be inside a semi-cool environment as our sunburned skin welcomed it. I got a slight burn around my face. We decided not to go to the Salt River; too crowded with people, so instead we drove a little ways out of Tucson to visit the Biosphere, a man-made biological experiment out in the desert.

Alain said he and Angela had a good time visiting it almost five years ago...but that was five years ago. When it was hustling and bustling in its hey day, the Biosphere had a small workers' compound beyond its borders, all of which are abandoned now. Well not quite, but there are a few people that stayed on to run the place.

The place reminded me of the old seventies movie with Bruce Dern, "Silent Running".

A Lazy Saturday

I've noticed that certain phrases or words are underlined in my blog posts and when I hover over them, it leads to another site. WTF? I should check the Blogger settings.

In other news, I have all weekend off!! WOO HOO!!

Mindy, Chelle, and Annie are over and we're thinking of going down to the Salt River for sun, fun and a soak in the water. I haven't been out with a group of people in a long time.

Currently listening to Katy Perry. This tune makes me smile! Annie and I blossomed this past week and I feel like in total bliss with her. I don't know if its love but I can't stop thinking about her when she's not with me. I'm not entirely into girls, but for now, it seems I so head over heels for Annie. Maybe the novelty of this new romance will wear off in a few months, I give it that but for right now, I'm totally enjoying Annie's company.

Chelle and Mindy, they're straight and when I told them I was with Annie, they're cool with it. I didn't get any weird looks from them and they asked if I've turned to the lesbian side. I said I haven't, but Annie is my girlfriend at the moment and that's whom I'm with. Chelle and Mindy aren't looking for anyone, not yet maybe. They both just broke up with their boyfriends recently and we all decided to make it an all-girls weekend!

Dreams

Most of the time, I don't remember my dreams except the one last night or rather, early morning.

I was riding on Speckle, one of the two Arabian horses back home, but in my dream, I was riding naked. At first I felt embarrassed but when the wind touched my body, it felt great! Anyway, we came to this canyon in around midday and the sun seemed to retreat behind these clouds. I heard my name being whispered and I couldn't tell at first because the sound was bouncing off the canyon's borders.

Speckle stopped at this little grassy patch next to a stream. There were still clouds in the sky, but the atmosphere grew ominously dark. There was this little girl talking and laughing to herself. By this time, I had forgotten I was naked but the little girl didn't seem to mind. She started talking to me about the clouds. I looked up for a minute and back to her face.

The little girl's eyes were red, dark red and she said, "Forget about the girl".

Then Annie woke me up with a call from Christina, who was moving to Prescott. Annie asked who was Christina. I told her she's sort of a drama queen and I don't talk much to her. I took my cellphone from Annie and Chris wanted me to help her move because she had a new job that paid more than waitressing at Buffalo Wild Wings. And something else about sick family.

I was hoping I'd get to spend my day off in bed. Sleeping. But nooo.Chris said she'd pay me $50 in gas and treat me for dinner. She also said she'll tell me more about her job. Sure. I'll be off for her place in an hour. I'll have to take Annie back to her Dad's because I can't just leave her here.

Or maybe she can come and help me move Chris' things.

Options. I have lots of them today.