I think there was a movie of that title like back in the 80s.
I don't know about the news anymore. There's too much crap being broadcasted. I think the country is going downhill. That's my point-of-view anyway.
I wanted to see this movie, "Zero Dark Thirty" with Annie but she stood me up. I'm not too worried about it. I didn't have high expectations of our "date" when she called me.
Other than that, I'm moving. And moving sucks. My house-sitting stint will be over in a few months so its best that I start looking for a place. I know I can afford it having worked a steady job plus two or three to supplement my savings. I might even have some money left over...to spend for next semester's tuition and books.
Isn't it great how one thing leads to another headache?
Ugh.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Ew. EXs
For me, exs are what exactly they are; EXt out of my life because something between us--me and them, didn't work out. I was reading an old email that was sent to me from an ex boyfriend back in 2011 and I couldn't read the entire thing because I couldn't get passed all the name calling and crap mentioned in it.
It will probably take me another year or so, maybe even five, to actually read the entire email. With the exception of Annie, I don't think I could ever date an ex again. Annie, however, wears heavily on my heart and mind. I often think of her and how she's doing nowadays.
It will probably take me another year or so, maybe even five, to actually read the entire email. With the exception of Annie, I don't think I could ever date an ex again. Annie, however, wears heavily on my heart and mind. I often think of her and how she's doing nowadays.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Isolation is the oxygen mask your children breathe in to survive
Internet has been sucking balls lately so I haven't been posting as much as Shannon. Two jobs: one at a paper mill and the other at Wally World. Yeah I don't have much time for blogging most days cuz I'm either sleeping or working. And that drains me quite a bit.
And all this time, I've been trying to gain weight. I'm a shadow of my former self. I used to weigh in at 182 lbs. and now I'm down to 168! I've never weighed this less! And working two jobs is taxing on my body. Granted, I can now fit into my clothes from three years ago and those were the tight ones, but I've also had to buy smaller pants sizes as well as shirts.
And I dumped my girlfriend. It was mutual maybe, but more so that I initiated the dumping. She got on my nerves with her neediness and always wanting to know where I am when she clearly knew where I was. And what pissed me off MOST about her, is that I kept asking her to get a fucking job cuz "we're in a strained relationship, spending money I don't have, and you're on your ass at home wanting to go places. I can't wine and dine you all the damn time". She tried once or twice, but fucked it up saying she's on disability with mental illness, some butt ass reason, which equals another LIE to me. I can understand the mental illness part, but using it as a crutch not to get a job? Hell, I have hostile oppositional antisocial tendancies, but at least I get a job so I won't dwell on self loathing. She may have been valedictorian in her high school, but she's accustomed to being lazy and knows how to manipulate people to enable her into being a couch potato...which she clearly is.
I think I'm destined to be a loner lone wolf. Meh, I don't care. I don't have time for relationships anyway. Working too much.
That's my take on life as of late.
~toasterface
And all this time, I've been trying to gain weight. I'm a shadow of my former self. I used to weigh in at 182 lbs. and now I'm down to 168! I've never weighed this less! And working two jobs is taxing on my body. Granted, I can now fit into my clothes from three years ago and those were the tight ones, but I've also had to buy smaller pants sizes as well as shirts.
And I dumped my girlfriend. It was mutual maybe, but more so that I initiated the dumping. She got on my nerves with her neediness and always wanting to know where I am when she clearly knew where I was. And what pissed me off MOST about her, is that I kept asking her to get a fucking job cuz "we're in a strained relationship, spending money I don't have, and you're on your ass at home wanting to go places. I can't wine and dine you all the damn time". She tried once or twice, but fucked it up saying she's on disability with mental illness, some butt ass reason, which equals another LIE to me. I can understand the mental illness part, but using it as a crutch not to get a job? Hell, I have hostile oppositional antisocial tendancies, but at least I get a job so I won't dwell on self loathing. She may have been valedictorian in her high school, but she's accustomed to being lazy and knows how to manipulate people to enable her into being a couch potato...which she clearly is.
I think I'm destined to be a loner lone wolf. Meh, I don't care. I don't have time for relationships anyway. Working too much.
That's my take on life as of late.
~toasterface
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Friday the 15th
FYI: I hate Valentine's Day.
I don't see why there should be a holiday set aside to be romantic when you can do that every day of the year. That's my opinion anyway. Other than that, I spent the day yesterday by MYSELF. YES, ALONE. No rebound sex, no calling up old friends with benefits, no hooking up at the bars or clubs or Student Union. Alone. And I loved it because I didn't have to answer to anyone. Its kind of exhausting now to be hooking up.
I have too much going on with school. I need to stay focused. I was walking to the campus library to check out some books for my research paper on The Reconstruction post Civil War, and I saw Annie. That was earlier today. We just chit-chatted and went about our separate ways. I've missed her. Missed her body and.... I'll stop.
I was flushed seeing her and even more so, by talking and engaging in conversation with her. And her perfume, I almost crumbled as my knees and legs were weak like shaking wet noodles, no structure to them. I excused myself to lean on one of the pillars to hide my insecurity at the sight of her. I was nervous and sweat began to form on the notebooks I was holding.
For a fleeting instant, I pictured my nervousness as that of Pedro in "Napoleon Dynamite" when he was talking to the entire student body. I don't know why that popped up in my head. I could also feel sweat beading around the underwire of my bra, which was how flushed I was. The library was cooled from the constant temp of the thermostat, but I was sweating with nervousness. I didn't ask Annie if she was seeing anyone, but just kept it to a "Hi, how's are things" type conversation. She looked flustered as if she was having a bad day and a little moisture
around her eyes like if she had been crying. It seemed that way to me. She excused herself with "Fine. I gotta go". I said, "Nice seeing you. Bye."
As soon as Annie left, I had to sit down to calm myself. Running into exes at the most inopportune moments makes me nervous as if they've broken down all my defenses.
I'm being lazy tonight--I microwaved a party pizza instead of putting it in the oven. And now the long process of taking notes and excerpts to use in my paper. I put in an application for Wal-Mart since the group home announced that they will be cutting back on people's hours since there's not enough clients/residents to take care of.
Always have a Plan B. Always.
I don't see why there should be a holiday set aside to be romantic when you can do that every day of the year. That's my opinion anyway. Other than that, I spent the day yesterday by MYSELF. YES, ALONE. No rebound sex, no calling up old friends with benefits, no hooking up at the bars or clubs or Student Union. Alone. And I loved it because I didn't have to answer to anyone. Its kind of exhausting now to be hooking up.
I have too much going on with school. I need to stay focused. I was walking to the campus library to check out some books for my research paper on The Reconstruction post Civil War, and I saw Annie. That was earlier today. We just chit-chatted and went about our separate ways. I've missed her. Missed her body and.... I'll stop.
I was flushed seeing her and even more so, by talking and engaging in conversation with her. And her perfume, I almost crumbled as my knees and legs were weak like shaking wet noodles, no structure to them. I excused myself to lean on one of the pillars to hide my insecurity at the sight of her. I was nervous and sweat began to form on the notebooks I was holding.
For a fleeting instant, I pictured my nervousness as that of Pedro in "Napoleon Dynamite" when he was talking to the entire student body. I don't know why that popped up in my head. I could also feel sweat beading around the underwire of my bra, which was how flushed I was. The library was cooled from the constant temp of the thermostat, but I was sweating with nervousness. I didn't ask Annie if she was seeing anyone, but just kept it to a "Hi, how's are things" type conversation. She looked flustered as if she was having a bad day and a little moisture
around her eyes like if she had been crying. It seemed that way to me. She excused herself with "Fine. I gotta go". I said, "Nice seeing you. Bye."
As soon as Annie left, I had to sit down to calm myself. Running into exes at the most inopportune moments makes me nervous as if they've broken down all my defenses.
I'm being lazy tonight--I microwaved a party pizza instead of putting it in the oven. And now the long process of taking notes and excerpts to use in my paper. I put in an application for Wal-Mart since the group home announced that they will be cutting back on people's hours since there's not enough clients/residents to take care of.
Always have a Plan B. Always.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Bills! Bills! Bills!
I shouldn't be in debt, but I'm getting myself out of my financial hole that I dug myself in.
My Pell Grant didn't come in last semester so I had to pay my tuition (of which I'm still paying as of this entry), and this semester's bill as well. I'm still at the place in the middle-of-nowhere desert, which is great as if I was at my own place in town, I'd be so broke!
Let's see...tuition from last semester and the current one; payment on the Jeep for getting the transmission worked on; gas money for aforementioned GAS HOG; and other than making payments on books for this semester, I'm basically running on empty in the financial department. Plus, I have to ask a cash advance every couple of weeks on getting food to eat...groceries.
Most of the time I just bring home food from the restaurant and I had to cut my hours working at the group home. Being a starving student sucks major, but my grades are up and steady and that's all I care about for now. Got an email from Cynthia saying that they're planning to sell the house at the end of August and asked that I get boxes to pack their stuff and put them in storage. THE ENTIRE HOUSE.
A dilemma in the oncoming months.
When it rains, it pours!
My Pell Grant didn't come in last semester so I had to pay my tuition (of which I'm still paying as of this entry), and this semester's bill as well. I'm still at the place in the middle-of-nowhere desert, which is great as if I was at my own place in town, I'd be so broke!
Let's see...tuition from last semester and the current one; payment on the Jeep for getting the transmission worked on; gas money for aforementioned GAS HOG; and other than making payments on books for this semester, I'm basically running on empty in the financial department. Plus, I have to ask a cash advance every couple of weeks on getting food to eat...groceries.
Most of the time I just bring home food from the restaurant and I had to cut my hours working at the group home. Being a starving student sucks major, but my grades are up and steady and that's all I care about for now. Got an email from Cynthia saying that they're planning to sell the house at the end of August and asked that I get boxes to pack their stuff and put them in storage. THE ENTIRE HOUSE.
A dilemma in the oncoming months.
When it rains, it pours!
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