Friday the 15th

FYI: I hate Valentine's Day.

I don't see why there should be a holiday set aside to be romantic when you can do that every day of the year. That's my opinion anyway. Other than that, I spent the day yesterday by MYSELF. YES, ALONE. No rebound sex, no calling up old friends with benefits, no hooking up at the bars or clubs or Student Union. Alone. And I loved it because I didn't have to answer to anyone. Its kind of exhausting now to be hooking up.

I have too much going on with school. I need to stay focused. I was walking to the campus library to check out some books for my research paper on The Reconstruction post Civil War, and I saw Annie. That was earlier today. We just chit-chatted and went about our separate ways. I've missed her. Missed her body and.... I'll stop.

I was flushed seeing her and even more so, by talking and engaging in conversation with her. And her perfume, I almost crumbled as my knees and legs were weak like shaking wet noodles, no structure to them. I excused myself to lean on one of the pillars to hide my insecurity at the sight of her. I was nervous and sweat began to form on the notebooks I was holding.

For a fleeting instant, I pictured my nervousness as that of Pedro in "Napoleon Dynamite" when he was talking to the entire student body. I don't know why that popped up in my head. I could also feel sweat beading around the underwire of my bra, which was how flushed I was. The library was cooled from the constant temp of the thermostat, but I was sweating with nervousness. I didn't ask Annie if she was seeing anyone, but just kept it to a "Hi, how's are things" type conversation. She looked flustered as if she was having a bad day and a little moisture
around her eyes like if she had been crying. It seemed that way to me. She excused herself with "Fine. I gotta go". I said, "Nice seeing you. Bye."

As soon as Annie left, I had to sit down to calm myself. Running into exes at the most inopportune moments makes me nervous as if they've broken down all my defenses.

I'm being lazy tonight--I microwaved a party pizza instead of putting it in the oven. And now the long process of taking notes and excerpts to use in my paper. I put in an application for Wal-Mart since the group home announced that they will be cutting back on people's hours since there's not enough clients/residents to take care of.

Always have a Plan B. Always.