Flag Controversy

This is the Confederate flag. It is part of American heritage and is sometimes referred to as "stars and bars". As with everything, people take symbolism to the extremes. just like the swastika was a symbol of good fortune for THOUSANDS of years till Hitler bastardized it to the Nazi symbol of oppression, brutality and death. EVERY symbol has its origins. I, myself, think of the Confederate flag as part of US history and heritage, not hate.

Plus...I think it's a cool looking design.

San Andreas

Sam and I mended our differences.

We saw "San Andreas" yesterday in Hiram. We thought it was a good movie, way better than "Avengers 2: Age of Ultron". The Avengers movie seemed like a re-run and although I liked seeing new characters like the Vision and Scarlet Witch, the whole plot didn't seem appealing to me.

But San Andreas, yeah that one topped Avengers, which was a disappointment to me. San Andreas is a natural disaster movie...kinda makes me think if California could really be ripped in half like that, barring all science-fiction stuff.

I enjoy being around Samantha. She makes me happy most of the time. I guess best friends get on each other's nerves sometimes, which is completely understandable.

Got the day off. Going to a blueberry farm in South Georgia. Ono gave me directions. Been craving blueberries. And its a deal--$2.50 a pound! AWW YEAH

I wanted to go to the Crime and Punishment museum in Ashburn, but Atlanta traffic ALWAYS SUCKS with delays for no reason and that cut into my time for exploring Georgia.

Pure Sexual Energy

'Pure sexual energy'...those three words are what I describe my best friend..

I've never encountered anyone like her in my long life. I hate talking about sex cuz I have a strong addiction to it--mostly with her, and if I can't have it, then I'd rather not talk about it. My mind goes OFF--literally shuts down my consciousness and puts me in a brain fog.

I never knew this about myself till recently. It was like, I was thinking about her 24/10. She was becoming an addiction, an unhealthy obsession and I had to step back and check myself.

Why am I feeling this way?
Is this what our friendship is based on?
Do I objectify her?
When is the next time I'm gonna get some?
I need a fix!!

Yeah addiction. I've never thought of myself as addicted to anything and I don't have an addictive personality...but obviously, I do.

Scares me to depend on one person for my needs so much. I didn't want to use her. But I didn't know how to go about telling her  either cuz it might affect the great friendship that we have. We're not comfortable in our lives to start anything such as a relationship. At least, I'm not anywhere near comfortable in my life to put anyone through torture with my chaotic life. I know this about myself.

So yeah...I'm being self absorbed for this post. Doesn't happen often, but I know what I want. The thing is...I love her dearly yet I was obsessed with her at the same time, like what she was doing, what was going on in her life and how I could interject myself into her environment...and I was completely avoiding mine. And I began to wonder how I got here. How could I help someone with their life when I couldn't deal with mine. She was being an escape for me. TO ME.

I ww..............fuck. I had a thought and completely lost it.

Tomorrow is college testing, advisor meeting, and after, I'm gonna treat myself to the beach and get some natural healing energy of waves and sunshine...without stepping on dog shit.

Stand

Seriously, I do love and care about you but this is best for us. We need to fix ourselves and rise to stand on our own. 831

SEVEN HOURS

SEVEN HOURS OF SLEEP!!

Maybe my mind's calming down and not stressing out about other's stress? I dunno.

Talked/text to a bunch of people yesterday about my shituation: MMM--my oldest friend who was also my high school sweetheart, Idaho, Fergie, Witchblaze, Drone, Sharina, Ham, Crackberry, Sprout, Herb and Bufferkiller. They all basically said I made the right decision and one even asked why I was there for so long. Even the baby slept as long as I did; my one and a half year old niece gets nightmares and wakes up in the middle of the night. She's never slept through a whole night.

I've found that even though I'm antisocial, I still need people in my life. Sharina, Sprout and Crackberry are coworkers. Not too close to Crackberry or Sprout, but they're party girls who've been around so I just gave them a random scenario and asked their opinions.

Sharina just started talking to me two weeks ago. Wanted me to take her weekend shifts and somehow she knew I was stressed out. I don't like telling random people my problems, but this girl knew I had a different demeanor at work. Soon as she's in the door, she's always on the phone with either her husband or her friends, clocks in, and goes about doing night work while still on the phone!

I've found that whenever I get stressed out, I reach out to people I've known whom I've let into my realm of solitude. I usually keep people at bay.

Today is my day off...gonna explore the beaches!