I've been very busy the earlier part of the month; beating feet on
pavement does that to a woman on a mission. A restless woman, as a
matter-of-fact.
I need to stay busy so I won't have
time to think of Jen. That bitch still keeps invading my brain. I can
now say that with a certainty as I look and reflect on my past
relationship with her. I try not to think about her at all. Keep my mind
busy.
Stuff like that.
An opportunity
opens up for me: I met a girl at the newspaper office as I was looking
at the want ads section on the wall. Her name is Mindy and we've
connected the first time we talked to each other. Its like, we just
couldn't shut up about how we came from the East coast to the West.
She's from Buffalo, New York.
Anyway, we've been
hanging out, sort of. I meet her in town and we go off from there. We
went for a drive down to the Biosphere which is a ways down past Tucson.
From Flagstaff to Tucson. Spent the night there too. I don't know about
you, but I'm beginning to fall in love with the desert! I love the
Catalina Mountains and I've talked to Mindy about wanting to hike it
sometime.
She's not a very outdoors going person so I have to encourage her a little.
So
this post is about my encounters with a different environment. From
Florida to Arizona...change of surroundings. I think I'm adapting well.
Haven't gotten a job yet, but this is the start of a new week!
Showing posts with label errogenous. Show all posts
Showing posts with label errogenous. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Let's Pretend, A Happy End
It was but a momentary lapse of reasoning!
Really. I swear!
I gave into my impulses and went to bed with him. It was such a guilty pleasure and I enjoyed it! But it won't happen again because we're friends and we shouldn't fuck each other if we're going to be just that. When I'm in a relationship, I want exclusivity. I don't want to share with other girls and he has a girlfriend.
Jon says my car will be done by Saturday and I can go back on my merry way on the road. But the more I think of it, I won't allow myself to be used for sex. Well, actually its my fault this time because I seduced him. It wasn't my intention but that's the way it ended. He's at work now at his business so I'm all analyzing this myself.
I could go lay out by the pool in the backyard or go see a movie, or call Jon to meet me for lunch somewhere just as a friend, nothing else. But...I'm so retarded. I'm hard up for a relationship. I don't like to be alone when I have a lot of time to myself. I mean, I love being around people, but when I'm alone, I'm at my most vulnerable and I revert back to bad impulsive habits.
So in analyzing my situation at the moment:
1) Jon's having my car fixed at his friend's garage
2) I'm staying at Jon's till its fixed
3) While I'm without a car, he asked to keep the place clean b/c he works long hours
4) We had a history back in Florida
5) We had spontaneous sex the other day (I wasn't planning on it, but I kissed him first)
6) He couldn't have stopped himself b/c I ambush-kissed him
7) Does that mean I seduced him?
8) He has a girlfriend
9) If he has a girlfriend, he could have stopped me from kissing him
10) He could have stopped himself
11) He didn't
12) So he wanted me as much as I wanted him?
13) Damn it!
14) I've got to apologize to him...for me being a retard.
15) But damn. It felt so good!
What would Samantha back home say, "You're a whore. If you ever did something like that to me, I'd kill you. Period."
Damn. I didn't want to do it, but it just happened. Jon got too close to me and I acted on impulse. Well you know, I'm cursing myself now. So guilty. I'm going to walk down to the 7-11 and grab a beer or two. And then go lay out by the pool. Such a beautiful day to waste!
Jon, to me is like the lyrics in this Garbage song, "You Look So Fine".
Really. I swear!
I gave into my impulses and went to bed with him. It was such a guilty pleasure and I enjoyed it! But it won't happen again because we're friends and we shouldn't fuck each other if we're going to be just that. When I'm in a relationship, I want exclusivity. I don't want to share with other girls and he has a girlfriend.
Jon says my car will be done by Saturday and I can go back on my merry way on the road. But the more I think of it, I won't allow myself to be used for sex. Well, actually its my fault this time because I seduced him. It wasn't my intention but that's the way it ended. He's at work now at his business so I'm all analyzing this myself.
I could go lay out by the pool in the backyard or go see a movie, or call Jon to meet me for lunch somewhere just as a friend, nothing else. But...I'm so retarded. I'm hard up for a relationship. I don't like to be alone when I have a lot of time to myself. I mean, I love being around people, but when I'm alone, I'm at my most vulnerable and I revert back to bad impulsive habits.
So in analyzing my situation at the moment:
1) Jon's having my car fixed at his friend's garage
2) I'm staying at Jon's till its fixed
3) While I'm without a car, he asked to keep the place clean b/c he works long hours
4) We had a history back in Florida
5) We had spontaneous sex the other day (I wasn't planning on it, but I kissed him first)
6) He couldn't have stopped himself b/c I ambush-kissed him
7) Does that mean I seduced him?
8) He has a girlfriend
9) If he has a girlfriend, he could have stopped me from kissing him
10) He could have stopped himself
11) He didn't
12) So he wanted me as much as I wanted him?
13) Damn it!
14) I've got to apologize to him...for me being a retard.
15) But damn. It felt so good!
What would Samantha back home say, "You're a whore. If you ever did something like that to me, I'd kill you. Period."
Damn. I didn't want to do it, but it just happened. Jon got too close to me and I acted on impulse. Well you know, I'm cursing myself now. So guilty. I'm going to walk down to the 7-11 and grab a beer or two. And then go lay out by the pool. Such a beautiful day to waste!
Jon, to me is like the lyrics in this Garbage song, "You Look So Fine".
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
OMG....
My car (the one I borrowed from my brother) BROKE DOWN outside Oklahoma City!
If its not one thing, its another. Luckily, I called a good friend since he lives in the area and he helped me out. I even got to stay at his place, provided I do his dishes. I'm not complaining. I mean, I don't have a set schedule to be in Arizona but I'd like to get there soon because all I'm going to do for the summer is house-sit and get mail. I need to do something else. I know I'll have an "allowance" but I still need income.
Time to explore the craigslist out here too! So unless I can get steady income, I'll pretty much be bored. Not really bored, but listless. Need something to occupy my time. Haven't taken many pictures of the road trip which is a huge undertaking, since I've actually never been this far from home. On my own, even!
Sometimes, I think about all those horror movies about people getting kidnapped and all that. I try not to think about it. At every rest stop, I make sure I walk around and stretch my legs. If I feel that I'm in a not too comfortable area, I immediately go back to the car. If a creeper comes up to me, I make sure he can see the bulge in my belt loop where my weapon is. I don't want to be a victim or a statistic. A lone woman can't be too careful nowadays.
Did I mention that my friend of six years is a martial arts instructor? Yep. But while I'm here at his place, I have to do housework while he works on getting my car fixed. Even trade, I suppose. It helps to have friends in self defense matters. I don't like to sound paranoid because my mind will go all over the place, but I need all the background I can get.
There was a bit of an awkward moment though...he was teaching me a submission move and told me to come at him by putting my hands around his throat. Then he showed me a wrist lock followed by an arm bar and then put me on the floor. Clumsy me, I got my foot tangled up with his foot and he almost fell on me to where our faces met.
Awkward moment...where we stared at each other for a minute.
OK. I'm coming clean with this. I met Jonathan in my freshman semester at UWF and we dated, but he moved out to the Midwest after a year, said he got a job offer he couldn't refuse. He was good to me then, but I wasn't ready for a long term relationship and I let him go. We've kept in touch though.
So while we were on the floor, he on top of me, I couldn't help but kiss him. I loved the smell of his cologne and his smile and his eyes and his hard body and everything else! Still, we're just friends, damnit. I haven't had sex in so long, I wouldn't know what to do. Jon has a nice place here: swimming pool in the back, big truck parked in the front, 55 gallon aquarium with fish in it remind me of home, wide-screen tv with streaming video and netflix!
I've thought about him a lot today. I think casual ex sex is in order for the evening! :)
If its not one thing, its another. Luckily, I called a good friend since he lives in the area and he helped me out. I even got to stay at his place, provided I do his dishes. I'm not complaining. I mean, I don't have a set schedule to be in Arizona but I'd like to get there soon because all I'm going to do for the summer is house-sit and get mail. I need to do something else. I know I'll have an "allowance" but I still need income.
Time to explore the craigslist out here too! So unless I can get steady income, I'll pretty much be bored. Not really bored, but listless. Need something to occupy my time. Haven't taken many pictures of the road trip which is a huge undertaking, since I've actually never been this far from home. On my own, even!
Sometimes, I think about all those horror movies about people getting kidnapped and all that. I try not to think about it. At every rest stop, I make sure I walk around and stretch my legs. If I feel that I'm in a not too comfortable area, I immediately go back to the car. If a creeper comes up to me, I make sure he can see the bulge in my belt loop where my weapon is. I don't want to be a victim or a statistic. A lone woman can't be too careful nowadays.
Did I mention that my friend of six years is a martial arts instructor? Yep. But while I'm here at his place, I have to do housework while he works on getting my car fixed. Even trade, I suppose. It helps to have friends in self defense matters. I don't like to sound paranoid because my mind will go all over the place, but I need all the background I can get.
There was a bit of an awkward moment though...he was teaching me a submission move and told me to come at him by putting my hands around his throat. Then he showed me a wrist lock followed by an arm bar and then put me on the floor. Clumsy me, I got my foot tangled up with his foot and he almost fell on me to where our faces met.
Awkward moment...where we stared at each other for a minute.
OK. I'm coming clean with this. I met Jonathan in my freshman semester at UWF and we dated, but he moved out to the Midwest after a year, said he got a job offer he couldn't refuse. He was good to me then, but I wasn't ready for a long term relationship and I let him go. We've kept in touch though.
So while we were on the floor, he on top of me, I couldn't help but kiss him. I loved the smell of his cologne and his smile and his eyes and his hard body and everything else! Still, we're just friends, damnit. I haven't had sex in so long, I wouldn't know what to do. Jon has a nice place here: swimming pool in the back, big truck parked in the front, 55 gallon aquarium with fish in it remind me of home, wide-screen tv with streaming video and netflix!
I've thought about him a lot today. I think casual ex sex is in order for the evening! :)
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Whoring Myself out
Let's see...
I've had over 22 different jobs this year, mostly from answering ads on craigslist or helping friends out and getting paid for it. I need to write up a resume and I have to sort these jobs out. Sometimes I really feel like a crack whore doing anything for a fix.
I guess I'm mostly keeping myself busy to stop from thinking about Jen. I miss her aI lot. But I don't have time to think about her as I won't allow myself to give her the time of day. I saw her walk across to her car from the admin building at school the other day.
I wanted to just run up and hug her, but I forced the thoughts out of my head.
The lunch rush wasn't as hectic as I thought it would be. But towards the end, this kid dropped his toy on the floor and I stepped on it almost spilling this couple's food I had in my hands. Yeah. That would've been disastrous. I made a little over $200 in tips.
I'm off to bed now. I know, its only 6:45 PM, but I'm beat. I figure I'd take a short nap so I can stay up all night and finish studying for finals this week. If I don't blog anytime this week, that's where I am.
Things to do for the week include:
1) Move the rest of my crap out of the apartment
2) Shut off all utilities
3) Change of address notices
4) Turn in my 30 day notice
5) Call Mom and Dad
6) Meet Joe for lunch to talk about Kira
The End for now. :)
I've had over 22 different jobs this year, mostly from answering ads on craigslist or helping friends out and getting paid for it. I need to write up a resume and I have to sort these jobs out. Sometimes I really feel like a crack whore doing anything for a fix.
I guess I'm mostly keeping myself busy to stop from thinking about Jen. I miss her aI lot. But I don't have time to think about her as I won't allow myself to give her the time of day. I saw her walk across to her car from the admin building at school the other day.
I wanted to just run up and hug her, but I forced the thoughts out of my head.
The lunch rush wasn't as hectic as I thought it would be. But towards the end, this kid dropped his toy on the floor and I stepped on it almost spilling this couple's food I had in my hands. Yeah. That would've been disastrous. I made a little over $200 in tips.
I'm off to bed now. I know, its only 6:45 PM, but I'm beat. I figure I'd take a short nap so I can stay up all night and finish studying for finals this week. If I don't blog anytime this week, that's where I am.
Things to do for the week include:
1) Move the rest of my crap out of the apartment
2) Shut off all utilities
3) Change of address notices
4) Turn in my 30 day notice
5) Call Mom and Dad
6) Meet Joe for lunch to talk about Kira
The End for now. :)
Monday, April 16, 2012
Sickness
Finals around the corner. Eugh.
I made a little over $275 in tips yesterday which is great, but I stayed til closing because the other girl didn't show up for work. I had to wait on her tables and a couple of them were big tables. Not necessarily big tippers, but every little bit counts.
As soon as I got home, I took a shower to get the restaurant smell off me and laid in bed for a while, just letting the ceiling fan blow cool air over my body. I laid there on the bed with a towel over my head and let the one around me drop. I didn't know I was being watched. Tori tried to wake me up but she said I was out of it. She covered me up and the next thing I knew when I woke up was me being wrapped in the bed sheet.
Tori was already awake at 3 AM. She doesn't do much of anything except study for botany classes. I walked into her room with the sheets still wrapped around me. She said she was worried because when she wrapped me up, she took my temp and I had a low grade fever. I think I'm coming down with something. I don't feel well. And I feel depressed and down in the dumps. Tori says I need to get checked out before I check out. She makes me laugh. Second best room mate I've ever had.
She's a bookworm and I'm a workaholic. Funny pair we make. I need to start studying too. My grades are what I call decent: straight Bs. Average. Nothing to brag home about. Charlotte says I need to apply myself if I'm to get into nursing school. I'm not really worried about it now. I have too much going on. I'll worry about it when the time comes like when I'm flunking, which hasn't happened.
~Shannon
I made a little over $275 in tips yesterday which is great, but I stayed til closing because the other girl didn't show up for work. I had to wait on her tables and a couple of them were big tables. Not necessarily big tippers, but every little bit counts.
As soon as I got home, I took a shower to get the restaurant smell off me and laid in bed for a while, just letting the ceiling fan blow cool air over my body. I laid there on the bed with a towel over my head and let the one around me drop. I didn't know I was being watched. Tori tried to wake me up but she said I was out of it. She covered me up and the next thing I knew when I woke up was me being wrapped in the bed sheet.
Tori was already awake at 3 AM. She doesn't do much of anything except study for botany classes. I walked into her room with the sheets still wrapped around me. She said she was worried because when she wrapped me up, she took my temp and I had a low grade fever. I think I'm coming down with something. I don't feel well. And I feel depressed and down in the dumps. Tori says I need to get checked out before I check out. She makes me laugh. Second best room mate I've ever had.
She's a bookworm and I'm a workaholic. Funny pair we make. I need to start studying too. My grades are what I call decent: straight Bs. Average. Nothing to brag home about. Charlotte says I need to apply myself if I'm to get into nursing school. I'm not really worried about it now. I have too much going on. I'll worry about it when the time comes like when I'm flunking, which hasn't happened.
~Shannon
Saturday, April 14, 2012
30 Minutes
I normally don't listen to pop music, but I was on youtube and one of my searches ended up with tatu's "30 Minutes". It got catchy. I then went on a tatu search and why have I not heard of this band?
Did some odd jobs this morning: helped a lady move a dishwasher into her trailer and removed some brush and loaded it into a pickup for this kid who was doing some landscaping. Got $50 from both. The kid asked for my number and wanted to hang out. I told him I'll think about it, but I won't. Too busy. Need to come up with rent money for next month.
How am I going to tell State Farm that my van is dead and I don't have a car? Do I have to continue the insurance if I don't have a car? Yes, I'm clueless about this. I'll have to call.
For some reason beyond me, I got home and turned on my laptop and watched some porn. I don't know. I guess I'm missing ... FUCK.
I hate feeling depressed. I have to keep my mind busy and stay busy.
Stay focused.
I got this.
~Shannon
Did some odd jobs this morning: helped a lady move a dishwasher into her trailer and removed some brush and loaded it into a pickup for this kid who was doing some landscaping. Got $50 from both. The kid asked for my number and wanted to hang out. I told him I'll think about it, but I won't. Too busy. Need to come up with rent money for next month.
How am I going to tell State Farm that my van is dead and I don't have a car? Do I have to continue the insurance if I don't have a car? Yes, I'm clueless about this. I'll have to call.
For some reason beyond me, I got home and turned on my laptop and watched some porn. I don't know. I guess I'm missing ... FUCK.
I hate feeling depressed. I have to keep my mind busy and stay busy.
Stay focused.
I got this.
~Shannon
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