Ever lose your phone?
I did. Lost it Christmas Eve. Had all my 49 songs on there. And my entire 43 person/company address book. Not like I kept contact with any one person besides Switchblade, but practically ALL my old bolt friends that I've known the last twelve years.
Nah. I don't miss my phone.
Much...
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Passing On
I'll never get use to patients passing on...
This bat-shit crazy old woman...grew on me. At first she irritated the flying piss out of me but gradually, I got an understanding with her and her diagnosis.
I feel emotionless at the moment.
This bat-shit crazy old woman...grew on me. At first she irritated the flying piss out of me but gradually, I got an understanding with her and her diagnosis.
I feel emotionless at the moment.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Summertime Sadness
I love that song by Lana Del Rey.
Switchblade. I love her to pieces but sometimes I want to wring her neck cuz she plays these manipulative little ploys if she doesn't get her way. For example, I told her my new schedule has me working everyday this week till my last day off, which cuts into my original plan of leaving Dodge and hitting the road for Atlanta on the 22nd. Then she tells me not to travel during Christmas cuz of all the heavy traffic on the interstate which makes sense. Logically, the more I think about it, her advice seems valid. Then she texts me this morning, "Look, I'm not feeling anything. Catch up with me in a few days if you are still coming".
It took me a couple of hours to get the gist of it and my gay friend, JP, says "I hope you see she's playing a manipulation game there". And I respond, "Of course! And that's the reason I want to wrong her neck off!" Pouty little miss cuz she can't have it her way and it's beyond my control! I can't help it if I got a shitty schedule! I can't even get my crap out of storage if I have to work all week!
So Little Miss Ray of Sunshine will just have to deal without me being there for Christmas. I'll get there when I get there. But I AM GOING TO ARRIVE THERE. And I've noticed, the longer we're apart, the more we argue. I miss her too but if I can't control the shituation, then it's out of my hands.
Switchblade. I love her to pieces but sometimes I want to wring her neck cuz she plays these manipulative little ploys if she doesn't get her way. For example, I told her my new schedule has me working everyday this week till my last day off, which cuts into my original plan of leaving Dodge and hitting the road for Atlanta on the 22nd. Then she tells me not to travel during Christmas cuz of all the heavy traffic on the interstate which makes sense. Logically, the more I think about it, her advice seems valid. Then she texts me this morning, "Look, I'm not feeling anything. Catch up with me in a few days if you are still coming".
It took me a couple of hours to get the gist of it and my gay friend, JP, says "I hope you see she's playing a manipulation game there". And I respond, "Of course! And that's the reason I want to wrong her neck off!" Pouty little miss cuz she can't have it her way and it's beyond my control! I can't help it if I got a shitty schedule! I can't even get my crap out of storage if I have to work all week!
So Little Miss Ray of Sunshine will just have to deal without me being there for Christmas. I'll get there when I get there. But I AM GOING TO ARRIVE THERE. And I've noticed, the longer we're apart, the more we argue. I miss her too but if I can't control the shituation, then it's out of my hands.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
On The Road Again
Wow. It's been a long time since I was here last, but I've been busy. Busier, really. Getting my life organized and grounding myself. In two weeks, I'll be moving to Georgia and rooting myself. Moving out of my comfort zone. If you have someone who believes in you instead of surrounding yourself with people who bring you down, that one person is all it takes to make taking root possible.
On that same note, don't make a move cross country for pussy or penis; it usually doesn't work out. And once it fails, you're stuck with them till you dig yourself out. I learned this ten years ago...the hard way.
And I have friends in this cross-country move who will help me out should I falter in my goal of ultimately becoming a traveler nurse.
On that same note, don't make a move cross country for pussy or penis; it usually doesn't work out. And once it fails, you're stuck with them till you dig yourself out. I learned this ten years ago...the hard way.
And I have friends in this cross-country move who will help me out should I falter in my goal of ultimately becoming a traveler nurse.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Almost Lovers
Switchblade: I've just been waiting too long, so this is way hard for me. My mouth chomps on the bit, but your fucking ass saved me. I belong to you.
Me: You're married. You belong to your husband. You told me that. You said, "How could I possibly belong to you? How could you possibly belong to me?" I hated that realization. But I can't leave you alone. But when we fuck, we belong to nobody, no strings, nothing. Just us. I only want to be possessed by you and no one else. Christ. I need sleep. Going crazy with no sleep. I hate you.
Switchblade: I don't belong to the man I married. Its a technicality. He doesn't own me. No one does. Just relax and sleep.
...
Me: I just want you so fucking bad!! You and no one else. Sleep. I need sleep.
Switchblade: I am yours Alain. So rest. I'm not going to fuck him. Even if I did not know you, I would not be sleeping with him. I haven't been for years. I have no interest. He killed all of that. Murdered actually, over and over again. I ain't going back to him. I can't emotionally. My brain would never let me. I am unable to due to my personality which means I'm vulnerable when someone knows me.
Switchblade: I'm lonely and I couldn't resist you. Its because somehow I knew you were compatible with me sexually and I crave that connection. I'm usually very reserved. So sleep. I don't even want anyone else. I can't even think about anyone else. Can't you see it in my face? Don't you know?
Me: You're married. You belong to your husband. You told me that. You said, "How could I possibly belong to you? How could you possibly belong to me?" I hated that realization. But I can't leave you alone. But when we fuck, we belong to nobody, no strings, nothing. Just us. I only want to be possessed by you and no one else. Christ. I need sleep. Going crazy with no sleep. I hate you.
Switchblade: I don't belong to the man I married. Its a technicality. He doesn't own me. No one does. Just relax and sleep.
...
Me: I just want you so fucking bad!! You and no one else. Sleep. I need sleep.
Switchblade: I am yours Alain. So rest. I'm not going to fuck him. Even if I did not know you, I would not be sleeping with him. I haven't been for years. I have no interest. He killed all of that. Murdered actually, over and over again. I ain't going back to him. I can't emotionally. My brain would never let me. I am unable to due to my personality which means I'm vulnerable when someone knows me.
Switchblade: I'm lonely and I couldn't resist you. Its because somehow I knew you were compatible with me sexually and I crave that connection. I'm usually very reserved. So sleep. I don't even want anyone else. I can't even think about anyone else. Can't you see it in my face? Don't you know?
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